How has everyone been doing with being a gentle mother? I'd be interested to learn what situations or times of day are hardest for you when it comes to being gentle. Please share in the comments section.
It's always a challenge and something I need to always be working on but thankfully this last week or two has been MUCH better. I don't know if there was a hormonal shift as I get ready for labor or if I've been getting more sleep, but I've felt a lot less tense with the kids and have noticed Ali has had a couple of really good weeks. Seeking to invest in her and challenge her with more projects and activities helps her to behave better overall.
One of the biggest things that has helped me with gentleness lately is being on the receiving end of some big blessings this week. My hubby decided to take us out for Sunday lunch, which is a rare treat, and that meant the lunch I had ready for after church became Sunday dinner so I didn't have to cook all day! On Monday, a woman from my Bible Study, who is as sweet as can be, offered unexpectedly to bring supper by for us and she brought a delicious stew, biscuits, cookies, watermelon, AND a frozen lasagna and loaf of frozen garlic bread for another quick meal I can use in the future! What a huge blessing!
To top it all off, my mom offered to take the kids for 3 hours this morning and I was able to get a lot of errands and grocery shopping stuff done and it was so easy without the kids! I haven't had a morning off like that in months!
All of these blessings combined made me feel a lot less tired and a lot less overwhelmed this week! It just goes to show you how fatigue, busyness, and working with no breaks can frustrate us and make us more prone to give up control of our emotions when the kids get difficult.
Besides sharing WHEN it is most difficult for you to be gentle, do you have any stories of instances where you have been blessed by someone in your life which contributed to your being able to be a gentler mother?
6 comments:
Lindsey,
I twisted my ankle on Monday, and because I had to "take it easy," I spent lots of time playing with the girls and even let myself read a book for an hour! I was so much more refreshed throughout the day because I wasn't pushing so hard. Even though my ankle's fine now, I'm trying to rest and just play with the girls more. :)
I am chiming in for the first time here in the GMSC. :) Oh boy, gentleness is what I pray for each day, so I can relate.
I find that I struggle the most when the kids *aren't* napping when I think they *should* be or when one boy wakes the other one from his sleep.
Also, whenever I start to compare my mothering or my children with others, who seem to outshine us. That is disastrous and totally to be avoided. Then I get this thought, suddenly, that "you should be sleeping more/respecting me/following directions/whatever" because so and so is. Not good.
I've been giving myself time-outs lately, and also saying quietly, "come, Holy Spirit" to remind me that I'm not asked to do this on my own. Indeed, I cannot.
I have had a hard week. I know it is because I am anxious and stressed this week and so it transfers to them. I have been trying to spend individual time with each of them though in the past few weeks and that has been really good. I miss my sister! She used to come over and help me so much!
The frusterating thing is that I am pretty laid back about a lot of things. So what if my 2 youngest pulled all the stuffing out of one of my pillows? I feel like when I yelled at them about it that it wasn't really about the pillow...it was more about just my whole anxiousness and stress about everything else. And then I feel bad because to them they think I am just freaking out about the pillow. And what is up with my 2 year old just leaning over and licking my foot while we are reading stories?
AHHH... this is turning into a rant. Maybe I will do better at gentleness next week? Yeah, while we are in cabins with a bunch of children-hating relatives. I am sure it will be mothering at its finest...
I find that I slowly lose steam as the week goes on. It seems like on Monday I start of all gung-ho about making it a great week - I'm going to be so fun, creative, gentle, patient, blah, blah, blah. But by the time Thursday and Friday come along, I am so ready for my husband to have a couple days off so I can have some help.
Also, as mentioned countless times before, when I'm tired I'm far less patient and gentle. Today is case in point. Noah has been dealing with a bad cold for a week now and these last couple nights have been short on sleep. Today I just feel more short and I know Madison notices this and it's almost like she feeds off it. We bicker more, she's more edgy, I'm more edgy, the gentleness goes out the window.
For the most part though, Madison has been dramatically different than just 2 months ago, and I have to give the credit where it is due - the Lord. I honestly believe He is the one who has made the change happen. He heard my constant prayers and cries and He is being faithful. (And because only a couple of you reading this know what was going on a couple months ago, let me just say that this change is WELCOMED and REFRESHING! We were going through some mighty difficult times!)
As far as telling about times others have blessed me I'd just say you'd have to read my blog. I have wonderful friends who I have counted on time and time again for support, prayer, and encouragement, and for that I'm very thankful!
I've often gone to bed totally regretting how harsh I have been with my children that day. I have to say that I expect way more out of them than a 3 or 4 year old is capable of doing. I try to micromanage what they do and it just causes every one to be more stressed.
I think part of the reason I am not as gentle as I should be is that I try to impose other people's expectations on my own family.
Sometimes I wish that I never read any child training books because I often wonder how I would have naturally parented in the first place. I've had bad ideas planted in me about being a parent even before I was married from these books and it's taken it's toll on our whole family.
I agree with you Heather that when you take more time to read and just play instead of going places or madly attacking a list, life is less stressful and more fun (the reason I know this is because it's pretty hard for me to motivate myself to get off my tush these days!)
Meredith,
I struggled just TODAY with a kid who wasn't napping when I desperately wanted her to. I grew increasingly and increasingly irritable and non-gentle! Thanks for the reminder that we need to ask the Holy Spirit for help!
3 22nds,
May God give you grace and strength for the week ahead! That sounds like a doozy!
Kristin,
I hope Noah gets better and I'm so glad to hear things are a bit better now. Hopefully the worst stage is past, for both of us!!! You truly do have some amazing friends and family; I can't believe one of your best buds paid for you to get a professional massage!
Tammylivingsimply,
How true that others tend to rub off on us and make us feel we should be parenting differently. After yet ANOTHER playdate with my friend, whom I call Sarah*, I was so stressed and worked up I decided that I MUST stop hanging out around her. I know I've said it before, but it's often impossible just because other friends invite me to do something and then invite her, and there have been many times I've gone to the park and she is just there. It's going to be very hard to avoid her but I absolutely must for my own sanity!!!
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