A Beth Moore Weekend

I have only been in one Beth Moore study, which was 5 years ago, and don't know much about Beth Moore except that women flock to her in droves and seem to adore her.  I wasn't planning to go to the conference in my state but then my sis-in-law invited me to go away for a girls' weekend with her and I decided it sounded fun.  My mom ended up joining us last minute too!  We had a wonderful day and a half together.  Beth's messages were touching and encouraging, we got time to shop at an actual mall (a big deal here in Wyoming), I got to love on my baby nephew who came along, we ate at the Olive Garden, visited with some missionary friends who hosted us for the night, and had good conversation.  I'm so glad we went!  I had been feeling spiritually dry and overwhelmed and exhausted and this short conference was EXACTLY what I needed.  A shot in the arm to give me fresh energy, vision, and desire to grow closer to God.

Here were Beth's main points:

1.  We are all begging for something

(My name is Beggar Lindsey)

2.  Sometimes we beg for the lesser thing we need

(the beggar in Acts 3 was asking for money instead of healing)

I often beg for peace, quiet, ease, comfort, praise, instead of asking for God's presence and strength in the midst of the chaos of living

3.  Sometimes what we need from a person is just a a hand

(Just listening to someone can sometimes give them a handful of faith)

I'm so thankful for the people in my life who encourage me, over and over, no matter how imperfect I am.  My hubby is one of them!

4.  Nothing will leave us as lame as trying to make gods of people

(In our innermost person, the strongest drive we have is to have a god we can see.  However, when people are worshipped they become a freak show.  Only God can handle our worship.  We tend to either idolize or demonize people, but they are just people.)

It's easy to idolize a famous Christian we respect, or an author, or a friend or family member whose approval we seek.

5.  To experience the true magnitude of our healing, we to stop clinging to people and cling only to Jesus (Col. 2:19) and start WALKING

6.  Those who learned to walk are also called to talk

(Psalm 45:1  Never confuse boldness with meanness, share the Gospel with joy)

We may not all be called to get on a stage, but we need to be willing to share our story and study the Word that we might become teachers of it someday

7.  We can't force healing on people

(We want to make a formula out of our experience, but the more you force healing on someone, the more they will reject it)

How easy it is to "make a formula" out of everything, especially when you are a blogger!  We have to wait on God's timing and His plan for that person in our lives.  Taking them through a book, or circumstance, or to a conference that changed us won't work on them, because it's God, not a formula, that heals.

8.  God can use our healing to make others want theirs.

Being authentic with people and avoiding "Christianese" when talking to them will make them crave the healing we have found in Jesus.

Our homework was to fill in the blanks:

I have no_______________

But what I do have is____________________

(every Christian should have Jesus at the top of this list!)

This was a great exercise for me because so often I feel like I don't have any free time, energy, money, etc. to give.  But it was good to focus on the things I do have....things that God has given me to share, like faith, prayer, encouragement, etc.  Peter and John didn't have silver and gold to give the beggar, but they did have the Gospel and God's healing to give and they did.  God is not asking me to give all kinds of things to others that I don't have, but to take the things He has given me and use them for His glory.  Realizing this is incredibly freeing, especially since I regularly get asked to take on and do more things in a week than I can possibly do. 

I also appreciated how she emphasized that the Greek word in the Acts 3 passage is a continuous action verb:  BE WALKING.  The lame man was a clear miracle of rehabilitation.  We, too, are beggars in need of rehab.  When Jesus heals us, we need to BE WALKING.  Lately I've felt more like I've been sitting down spiritually.  It was a good message for me, that I need to "walk out continually" the healing I've received from my sin.

All in all, a very good conference, though it was far too short!  A few hours in the evening and 4 hours in the morning just felt like too little time to process all the teaching and spend time meditating and reflecting on it.  I think we moms could use a 4-7 day spiritual conference or retreat every now and then!  But, I realize this is unrealistic because of how busy everyone's lives are.  I have to say, I have NEVER seen more women gathered together in my life!  Just goes to show you what a hick I am, but 2,400 women seemed like a sea of people!  And surprisingly, Beth said that 20 different states were represented in the audience!  The most amazing thing, was that 10 women went forward during the altar call and prayed with the volunteers to receive Jesus!  When I saw people going forward, I actually had to avert my eyes.  I was overcome by what a sacred moment it was and was starting to bawl watching lots of women go forward for prayer or for salvation.  I felt like it was too holy to look upon in that moment.  Awesome!

As we returned home, I thought about the conference and wondered, "Why is it that I feel such a need to go to a conference or retreat once or twice a year?  Why doesn't the teaching/encouragement seem to last?"  Then I was reminded that just as we continually need to eat, we continually need to feed on God's Word.  In the same way, if we read the Word once a month, it's like eating once a month, and we need DAILY food.  It's wonderful to have a full-blown feast a few times a year, on our birthday, anniversary, or Thanksgiving, etc.  And conferences are like the equivalent of Thanksgiving.  It's so good to sit down to a feast of God's Word and to be filled with so many good things that we take home leftovers that can sustain us for a while.

Have you ever done a Beth Moore study or been to one of her events?  I'm curious to see what you all think of her?

All is Grace?

All is grace?  Really God?  Even this?

The words in my inbox were pure anger in Times New Roman beat out on a keyboard in the rage and fury that is a wounded animal mauling the vet trying to save her.


A former close friend, threatening now to try to turn me in to DFS.


My head knows she's lashing out, not knowing if she is going to lose her own children.
My head knows that I have friends in the local DFS office who would find this funny.
My head knows that opting out of some vaccinations as a personal choice is perfectly legal and not a reason for DFS to investigate.
My head knows there are many, many people who would call her unstable and hundreds of people that would give me a character reference.
My head knows that she has left her faith and is running from God and hates those who serve Him.


But for just a second, my heart squeezes and I can't breath and this question echoes through my being, "All is grace?  This God?  This?"  It doesn't matter that she has said that I am hated, or that she has taken every personal thing I've shared with her as a friend and pistol-whipped me with it.  It doesn't matter that she has mocked my post-partum depression.  Oh, well.  But threatening to try to have my kids removed from my home?  This?

He answers in a gentle whisper in my heart.

Yes, even this.

And as I ponder how this threat could possibly be grace in my life and why God allows those who minister to be beaten down by those they minister to, it comes to me.....

.....Suddenly, after months of feeling down, fighting the doldrums and the exhaustion that comes with having 4 little ones and endless trials and tribulations in the lives of those around us, after many nights of laying my head on the pillow feeling like an utter failure as a mother, I see it.  It's the answer to the prayer I prayed just last week, for God to give me strength and patience in my mothering.

Clarity.

Purpose.

Perspective.

I suddenly feel what has been missing for a long time, like the sun coming out for the first time after a long, cold blizzard.

I'm a good mother.  Not a perfect mother.  Not the best mother.  Not a hero.

But, I'm a good mother.

And....

....I love being a mom.

I'd rather be Alathia's, Jeremiah's, Justus's, and Katrielle's mother than anything else in the world.

It's hard, it's exhausting, it's often thankless, and sometimes looked down upon, but I wouldn't change a thing about my life.

And with this clarity, I have empathy and compassion for my friend, instead of harshness, vengefulness, and disbelief.

She is losing her children.


And while I don't think the safest place for her precious children to be right now is with her, I can understand, even just for a minute, why she has resorted to this animalistic rage.  I forgive her and I choose to love her.


And the next day, and the next, and the next I wake up with a smile.


I squeeze my baby Katri and linger over her morning feeding.
I pray for Hannah, in prison unjustly, and missing her babies.
I take the extra time to put another bandage on Justus (the 5th today?)
I praise the efforts of my big-boy Jer Bear.
I take the time to talk with Ali.
I pray relentlessly for my friend, that God would pursue her with the tempest of His love.
I thank God for the cross, and for forgiving me, and loving me, though I have scorned him worse and loved him less than this.


It doesn't mean that life is magically easier.
There are still toys underfoot, dishes to wash, and sticky messes everywhere.
There are meals to make, mountains of laundry to wash, and errands to run.
There are tantrums and fights, and screams, and ouchies and dirty pants, and accidents, and runny noses.
There are still little kids we love going through a vicious court battle, a friend at church dying of a disease, and in this world there are churches splitting, children dying of hunger, and people fighting everywhere.


But I have seen the grace that comes in pain.
And that pain has its' purpose.  A lesson I have to keep on learning, it seems, every year.
When we are pain-free, we watch TV.  We eat chocolate cake.  We worry about how our hair looks or if we can afford to go on vacation or are irritated that someone didn't flush the toilet or that we can never win an ebay auction.


When God allows us to experience pain, in whatever measure He chooses, we hit the floor with our knees. 
We cry out to him in desperate need.  
We dive into His Word like those dying of thirst discovering a pure well in the desert.
We set our sights on what truly matters and the superficial little things in our day fade away.

And He has us right where He wants us:  in His presence.


All IS grace.

Go here to listen to the song All is Grace, on Shaun Groves new album, which I LOVE!!!  This song was inspired by Ann Voskamp, whose blog I also love and read daily.

Side note:  Might you join me in praying for the children involved in this serious and difficult situation?  Pray for God's hand to mightily move on their behalf.

An Exciting Testimony!

A friend e-mailed me this morning:

There's a guy at work that I may have mentioned before, Andrew, who we've all been getting to know more and more in the last few months. He's one of the guys we've spent time praying for, and he's pretty open to talking. He's the one who felt forced into believing in God, like he had no choice in the matter or something, and eventually chose to reject it. He's termed himself an agnostic ever since I met him. I've had chances to talk with him a few times, share why I believe and such. When one of his family members died, we Christians at work got him a card and took up a collection to help pay for a ticket for him to go home for the funeral. We've invited him to join us on outings and have just done our best to show him love, regardless of what he chooses to believe. Anyway, yesterday he stopped me at work and pulled a cross necklace from underneath his shirt to show me. I asked him if things had changed in regard to his beliefs, and he said yes. Of course, there wasn't time to talk to him then, so I told him I wanted to talk later. When we had a chance to talk I told him I wanted to hear what had changed, and so he told me his testimony. It was so neat to hear...he said that ever since he started getting to know us nurses, he's really been challenged in his beliefs about God. His father had given him a book a while back about God and he had shelved it because he didn't want much to do with that. But the more he got to know us, the more he realized that we honestly cared about him and weren't just trying to win a convert. When his relative died and we got him the card and the money, he said he went for a long walk and it just kind of hit him that that kind of love is proof that God exists. He started reading the book that his dad had given him. I guess one day Ashley, a fellow nurse, told him that she would rather spend the rest of her life without him than spend an eternity without him, and that really hit him hard. He said he always hated it when people preached at him, that it only drove him further away, but that we never did that. We cared about him and were genuinely interested in him, regardless of what he believed. He says he still has a lot to learn, but he's excited about learning and growing. It was so exciting to hear, and it was so cute because he smiled at me and said "and I blame you 5 nurses for causing me to reconsider what I thought I believed," to which I replied "I can handle being blamed for something like that." :)

I was SO excited that we could not only be friends in this life but that we'd be able to be friends for all of eternity. I told him so and that made him smile. We talked about how we all want to make a difference in someone's life, and I shared about how I often wonder if my efforts to show people I care and my bumbling efforts to point them to God ever do any good, and he told me that he was proof that I have made a difference in someone's life for eternity. He was going to wait and tell all of us nurses at one time, but when he showed me the cross necklace he was wearing and I guessed something had changed, he figured he better tell me today since we spent some time together.

I know it's totally God who drew Andrew to himself, and I'm so glad He chose to use me as part of the process. I know I can't take any credit for it, and I'm not trying to, but it feels so good to know that God was able to use me to help change Andrew's heart, along with my nurse friends.

Side note:  My friend and her co-workers meet once a week before work to pray for their un-believing friends at work!  I think this is so awesome!  I'm so excited to see how this has worked out!

Another huge praise!

13 years ago I prayed hardcore for a family member that I really cared about and wanted to see become saved someday.  I don't see this family member often or have much influence with him but as he's crossed my mind, I've prayed for him.  I just met a new friend this week and lo, and behold, she is a good friend of and a strong influence in my family member's life and told me that he gave his heart to the Lord 2 weeks ago!  All those years ago, I prayed for him to meet Christians and come to the faith in spite of the odds against it and it is awesome to see His hand working those prayers out in the here and now!

Reflections

When Monica from Homespun Heart mentioned the devotional Jesus Calling, I thought it sounded perfect for me.  I was not disappointed when I bought it.  This little book is chock full of amazing truths in small bites, perfect for my stage of life right now.  Almost every single day, I am blown away by how God speaks to me through this book.  Here are some favorite quotes from the last week that have touched me:

"Begin each day anticipating problems, asking Me to equip you for whatever difficulties you will encounter.  The best equipping is My living Presence, My hand that never lets go of yours.  Discuss everything with Me.  Take a lighthearted view of trouble, seeing it as a challenge that you and I together can handle."

"Thinking that you should live an error-free life is symptomatic of pride.  Your failures can be a source of blessing, humbling you and giving you empathy for other people in their weaknesses.  Best of all, failure highlights your dependence on Me.  I am able to bring beauty out of the morass of your mistakes.  Trust Me, and watch to see what I will do."

"Do not resist or run from the difficulties in your life.  These problems are not random mistakes; they are hand-tailored blessings designed for your benefit and growth.  Embrace all the circumstances that I allow in your life, trusting Me to bring good out of them.  View problems as opportunities to rely more fully on Me.  When you start to feel stressed, let those feelings alert you to your need for Me.  Thus, your needs become doorways to deep dependence on Me.....thank Me for the fifficulties in your life, since they provide protection from the idolatry of self-reliance."

"Instead of trying harder to help people through your own paltry supplies, become aware of My unlimited supply, which is accessible to you continually.  Let My Love envelop your outreach to other people.  Many of My precious children have fallen prey to burnout.  A better description of their condition might be "drainout."  Countless interactions with needy people have drained them, without their conscious awareness.  You are among these weary ones, who are like wounded soldiers needing R&R.  Take time to rest in the love-light of My presence.  I will gradually restore to you the energy that you have lost over the years.  Come to Me, all you who are weary and burdened and you will find rest for your souls."

A Faithful Servant

A woman doesn't easily forget someone who serves her in her darkest hour.  I just found out last night that one of the godliest ladies I know went home to be with the  Lord.  I rejoice for her because she will have many rewards in Heaven, but I am heavy-hearted for the loss that many, many people will feel at her passing.
Becky R. was more than our midwife, she was our friend and mentor and one of the most beautiful examples of Christ I have ever seen.



As we, a young, newlywed couple with no experience, prepared to deliver our first baby, she came to our home to do prenatal visits and spent hours with us, talking and answering questions, recommending books, and encouraging us to grow in the Lord through the process of pregnancy.  The morning before I went into labor I was very, very sick with a stomach virus and was terrified for my baby's health, and she reassured me over the phone and helped me get through the day.  When I knew I was in hard labor, she came from an hour and a half away on icy roads, on a MN winter night when the temps dipped to negative 20.  She stayed up the entire night with us, rubbing my back hard and coaching me through contractions that were only a couple of minutes apart.  Even though I was unable to have my last 3 babies with her because we had moved out west to my hometown, it was her voice in my head that I recalled when I was in labor with all of them because she knew exactly what to do and how to soothe a laboring woman with reassuring tones.  She not only lost a night of sleep for us, and for hundreds of other women, but she fasted and prayed throughout the duration of my labor.  She cleaned up the birthing pool and our home, left us homemade wild rice soup she had brought, took photos for us when we were too wiped out to think about it, made a photo CD for us so we could share it with my folks via e-mail across the miles the day of our daughter's birth, and came back the next day to check on Ali and I even though she had a long drive and had lost a night of sleep. 



She "caught" 555 babies in her day.  She believed it was a ministry and accepted donations but didn't charge for her services.  In addition to being an amazing midwife, she lived out covenant marital love like I have never seen before.  She stayed true to her vows even though it meant a lifetime of sacrifice for her.  Such love is unheard of in our world today and reminds me of the covenant-keeping, never-stopping love of Jesus for his bride, the Church. 



Reading her obituary online, it's evident to me that Becky was a Titus 2 and Proverbs 31 woman, through-and-through.  She was industrious, helped those in need, served Christian families, was a pioneer in the homeschool movement in her area, used her gifts for the Lord, trained the younger women, cared for her family well, shared the Gospel, and aided many families in having large families frugally and naturally.  Few women today have her strength and courage.  I'm honored to have had her there with me during some of my most frightening and painful and wonderful and joyous hours as Alathia Joy entered the world.  I can't wait to see her in Heaven.  I wish, probably along with her daughters, grandchildren, and church family that she had lived longer than 62 years, but I know she is exactly where she wants to be right now.



We'll miss you Becky and we'll share your story with the little girl you helped us bring into the world!  Your life was amazing, Spirit-filled, and worthy of imitation.

Hard Eucharisteo

I'm reading the new book that my favorite blogger just released: One Thousand Gifts.

I can't recommend it enough.  Next to the Bible it is definitely one of the top 5 life-changing books I have ever read.  Every chapter captivates and teaches.  There is so much to unpack that I could read this book every year for the rest of my life and still learn from it.  Even if you don't have a lot of money, I'd encourage you to eat some Ramen and  rice and beans a couple of extra times this week and use your grocery money to buy it.  You won't regret it.  Hundreds of women around the world are reading it right now and finding their lives transformed by it.



In the book, Ann talks about "hard eucharisteo."  Eucharisteo is thanksgiving.  As we learn to see God in everything, we give thanks.  But what about the hard eucharisteo?  Giving thanks in trials, big and small?


Sometimes I think I don't have a right to think my life is hard.  After all, some folks have far greater trials looming.  A child with cancer.  A baby who died of SIDS.  A shattered marriage and life.  Poverty in the third world.  An adult child's rejection of God.  Memories of horrific abuse.  The pain of infertility.  A frightening diagnosis.


But as my cousin reminded me, the fact that other people have harder problems doesn't negate the fact that I hurt and struggle.  My life may not be as hard as it possibly can be, but that doesn't mean I don't cry out for grace in the moments that stretch me and fill me with frustration.


The past year has been unbelievably hard for me.  Wondering where we would live, going through 4 months of constant nausea, losing my Grandma, seeing our town flood, buying our first home and fixing it up and the endless work and lack of family time involved in that, moving while caring for 3 children and carrying a baby, having placenta previa, going through chicken pox, 3 stomach flus, my longest labor yet, a newborn, and the busy holidays, having tons of company, and dealing with the continual exhaustion of having many small children.


The past two months have been especially hard.  Just when I think that next week will be easier and soon I will be able to breathe again, we get hit again.  And again.  And again.  And again.  A newborn baby's demands, sickness, holiday events, in-laws coming, Christmas activity, sorrow over friends with dying marriages, excruciating neck pain, the false accusation of a loved one, fueding in the church, working through disappointments and disagreements in our marriage, watching my parents' struggle to help keep her job and ministry (the Christian school) alive as some would seek to close it, misunderstandings, job insecurities, weeks of multiple night-wakings with baby, fighting amongst believers, a car accident where my husband wrecked the front of my mom's car (every Son-in-Law's nightmare, right?),  illness and a trip to the ER with our baby.


As I've been reading about hard eucharisteo I'm struggling to put it into practice.  It's easy to fill my list and count my blessings when the sun is shining and there is a chocolate dessert in front of me, but what about when I've begged God in desperation for sleep only to hear garbled wails for the tenth time in a few hours?  What about in the little annoyances that make you want to scream, like getting poop all over your hand as you change a toddler's diaper when you are a germ fanatic, and finding out your daughter stole a bunch of computer paper only to spill a whole bottle of Elmer's glue all over it and waste it all and create a huge mess?  What about when four kids are crying, a friend writes a nasty facebook status about you for no good reason, and the fighting seems to never stop and sleep seems like it will never come and you have too much to do, and the house feels like a disaster zone when you've spent hours trying to make it clean day after day after day?

It's in the slowing down to try to see, it's in the humbling of myself and the opening of my hand to receive His grace when I begin to see eucharisteo in the hard places.  He's working.  He's teaching me.  He's showing me His love.

Thankful for:

Medical treatment for my baby.
A baby who's living and breathing.
Wet wipes and soap to clean the filth.
A stronger bond than ever before when we've worked it through.
A gracious Mom.
A Dave Ramsey-inspired emergency fund to cover the repairs.
A child's creativity.
A husband's un-asked-for neck massages.
Healing from neck pain, even without a chiropractic visit.
Dad, whose compliments were rare growing up, calling me brilliant in front of tons of people.
A friends' apology.
Building character from the bricks of criticism.
A renewed belief in the sacredness of marriage.
Knowing I need God's grace to make it through the day.
A greater desire to meet with Him each morning.
New starts in relationships that have been strained.
The miracle of making it through a weekend on just a few hours of sleep.
The opportunity to train my children in godliness.
Needing to step out in faith.
Seeing God provide.
Learning to trust.
Empathy for friends going through trials.
Vitamins, coffee, hot chocolate and orange juice for the extra energy they give on a lagging day.
Chubby baby thighs, cheeks, and elbows.
Baby's wildly kicking her doctor in exuberance.
Dear friends asking if they can come stay with us when they visit.
A belated baby gift: dinner from Dominos!
Seeing her become a Daddy's girl.
The last moments I'll have to nurse a 3 month old.
A tiny girl sucking her thumb and grabbing her nose with the other fingers.
Hearing her little voice try to coo in spite of her rasping, mucus-lined throat.
The warm, hours-long hug of a strong husband when you are spent and just need someone to hold you through the night.
Having a home to share with traveling missionaries.
The kind words of  a sweet mother-in-law.
An answering machine message from our little girl who called from AWANA on my friends' cell phone to tell me she lost her first tooth.
The days ticking down until we see our tiny nephew's new face.  (He's due in April and even if he lives half-way across the world we can't wait to see pics!)
Knowing He has been and will continue to be with us through it all.

A Little Child Will Lead Them

One day Ali expressed concern about a couple of friends she has who don't know about Jesus.

She said, "I'm going to make a book to tell them how to get to heaven."  She did the entire book on her own, without any help from me!  It is so precious to me!

How you get to heaven....

Believe in the Lord and you...

Will be saved.

The dark circle is Hell and the other circle is Heaven.

A Character Qualities Pageant

Photo credit

A friend and I were talking at a swimming playdate this summer and she mentioned that her husband calls me "Miss Peace Like a River."  I almost laughed out loud.  Boy, if my husband and kids heard that, they would surely set him straight about how impatient and un-peaceful I can be on many a day (esp. when I'm in the family way!)  I appreciated the compliment, but I knew it would be more appropriate to call me "Miss Blows Like a Steam Engine Over The Slightest Thing."   As I thought about that comment I came to the conclusion that I would like to be "Miss Peace Like a River"  and to be patient with my family all of the time, even when outsiders aren't watching.  I have a long way to go, but it is one of my goals to strive for.

Wouldn't it be amazing if we as a society prized character above physical beauty?  Or even if those of us who are Christians spent as much time trying to be kind, gentle, loving, merciful, generous, patient, forgiving as we spend trying to look nice on the outside or trying to earn the approval and admiration of others?

The world is so backwards in its' thinking about what is important in life and oftentimes, those of us in the Church follow its' lead.  The women with the stick figures, big smiles, flashy jewels, and perfect make-up get the crowns and awards, when inside, they may be spiritually bankrupt and empty and treat others contemptuously.  Worldly men lust after those outwardly beautiful women, causing many women to believe their worth truly is in their looks and that they won't be loved by men or have friends unless they meet a certain standard physically.  Read 1 women's magazine off the racks and you'll be bombarded with 100 ads for new beauty products and articles that seek to convince you that you need to have this or that body or wardrobe makeover to look good. 

But, in God's eyes, the women who are the pageant winners are the women who possess inner beauty, "the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight." (1 Peter 3:4).  Notice that this kind of beauty is unfading, unlike our physical bodies which will all grow older, more tired, more weak, more saggy and baggy and gray.

This weekend I hung out with some beautiful, unfadingly gorgeous women of character at a ladies' retreat.

Women like:

Mrs. Prays Like a Warrior

Miss Unshakeable Faith

Miss Believes in a Sovereign God

Mrs. Humble and Broken but Healed by Christ

Miss Transformed

Miss Sweet and Gentle Spirit

Mrs. Gracious and Giving

Mrs. Faithful For Many Years

Mrs. Uses Her Gifts for The Glory of God

Miss Joy-full

Mrs. Self-Controlled in the Face of Temptation

These inwardly beautiful people are so encouraging to be around!

They inspire me to be more like Christ.

God prizes character.  He's all about the heart.

Therefore, I want my home to be a place where character is valued above outward appearance. 

A Disciple's Renewal

One of my favorite prayer/devotional books is called "The Valley of Vision."

I love these lines, taken from the prayer, "A Disciple's Renewal"

O my Savior,
Help me.
I am so slow to learn,
so prone to forget,
so weak to climb;
I am in the foothills when I should be on the heights,
I am pained by my graceless heart,
my prayerless days,
my poverty of love,
my sloth in the heavenly race,
my sullied conscience,
my wasted hours,
my unspent opportunities.

Make it my chiefest joy to study Thee,
mediate on Thee
gaze on Thee.

Give me increase and progress in grace
so that there may be
more decision in my character,
more vigour in my purposes,
more elevation in my life,
more fervour in my devotion,
more constancy in my zeal.

Bearing Fruit in Difficult Times

I'm in the midst of one of the most difficult stages of my life.  Granted, many of you have faced much worse in your day and I mourn with you, but it's still tough for me to make it through each and every day.

My Bible study group has been doing Loving God with all of your Mind by Elizabeth George this year.  It is an excellent study!  Every week the chapter seems to fit my life circumstances perfectly.  The last two chapters we covered were on "Enduring Difficult Times" and "Bearing Fruit in Difficult Times."  I want to share here the formula she came up with for getting through trials.  It's based on the Israelites' captivity, described in Jeremiah 29.

A-Acknowledge God's Hand

B-Bloom Where You are Planted

C-Count on God's Promises

D-Do Something Useful

The next chapter then explores the circumstances of the apostle Paul and Joseph and also modern-day saints like Madam Guyon, Mrs. Studd, and Hudson Taylor.  She talks about doing God's will in hard times.  What is God's will?

1. Delight yourself in Him

2.  Indulge yourself in God's Word

3.  Commit yourself to the Lord

So, how does this apply to my situation?

A-God allowed me to experience morning sickness for a reason.  He will not give me more than I can handle.  He has not left me without the grace to endure this trial.  He is with me and He has a purpose in this.

B-I'm a wife, mother, friend, daughter, niece, aunt, sister, mentor, etc.  I have many tasks throughout the day.  I need to focus on fulfilling the responsibilities I have to the best of my ability.

C-I need to write some encouraging promises from the Bible on index cards and post them around the house.  I need to listen to more praise music and my SEEDS CDs more often to remind myself of God's presence with me.

D-Even when I'm constantly nauseous, I can find ways to move through one tiny task at a time and also to encourage others.  Send folks a little card or just a facebook message, praise my kids for their heartfelt efforts at being Mama's big helpers, call a sick grandparent, pray for a family that's enduring difficult times, write a blog post to inspire others, help plan a baby shower, etc.  I may not be able to tackle the huge pile of laundry today, but I can throw one load in this morning and maybe one in this afternoon.  I can't keep the house spotless, but I can put the dishes in the dishwasher, and then rest, knowing the kitchen is a little cleaner.  I can read many stories to little ones on my lap or just sit and watch videos of their favorite animals on youtube with them.  One minute, one little task at a time.

I need to commit each day to the Lord, remembering that my true satisfaction comes in Him, not in being physically healthy.  I need to indulge myself in His Word, showing my kids that it is a huge priority in my life, and make time to teach them the Word and read it to them at mealtimes.

May God bless you and be with you in the midst of your difficulties right now.  I'd love to hear about them in the comments so I can pray for you.  Please keep me in your prayers as well, that the sickness would end very soon!

Romans 8:28 and Waiting To See What God Does

 Photo credit: Amanda Kastner

"They've accepted our offer!"

That's a first for us, with our low budget in a high-priced town.

Only problem is...there is another family first in line....

They're buying the house.

So....the only way we'll get the house...

is if their financing falls through.

In our town, a starter home will run you at least $150,000 for a 2-bedroom. 

We obviously need more room than that.

This is a 5+ bedroom home (with 2,600 sq. feet) for $145,000...

....and it just needs some deep cleaning, new carpets, and painting.

 And, it's close to my folks' house, and the park, and not in the slums

(which is where our budget usually takes us).

Today, I was driving home from the grocery store, thinking about the house....

.....thinking about the way God works....

.....thinking about the way He always takes such good care of us....

.....and how He gave us our minivan....

....and the increases to our income with each child that arrived....

....and I know He is good...

even when we can't see what's around the next bend.

Our SEEDS CD was playing, and as He always does,

God spoke to me through the verses set to song.

All things

work together

for the good of those

who love the Lord

And I'm reminded...

That a year from now...

We will look back and see...

That He has always been faithful...

....and gave us exactly what we needed....

but not necessarily what we wanted.

And I will not give in to the temptation to blame my Josiah

Who wasn't ready to buy when our realtor called us...

Two months ago and told us to jump on this deal...

Because we weren't ready then...

And God's timing is perfect...

...and he is a wise man to be cautious.

So, we wait, wanting God to be glorified in our uncertainty....

Knowing that He's never late....

And He'll bring things to pass in His perfect timing.




UPDATE:  Mid-may, much to our amazement, our realtor called and said the house was ours if we wanted it.  We could not believe it!  It was an emotional day!  The folks who were going to buy it had had things fall through, due to some dishonesty on their part, and we had first dibs!


On June 28th, we signed the paperwork to make it legally ours, after weeks of paperwork, planning, arrangements, etc.  On July 3rd, we move in to our "mansion."  I asked God to give us a house someday that we can use to bless others.  My aunt does this with her extra bedroom and bathroom and opens her home to travelers (like us), family, friends, missionaries, pastors, etc.  I never expected God to give us so much space so soon....this very year!!!  We are hoping to use this home to bless others, welcome many friends over for meals and visits, and share with folks who need accommodations.  In fact, a week after we move in, we will have 4 or 5 summer missionaries staying with us, who are doing the 5 Day Clubs in our town.
God is amazing!!!

He Cares

Photo credit: Amanda Kastner

Ever had one of those days as a Mom?  Where you are tempted to believe the lie that you can't do it anymore or that life is too hard?  Where the kids are driving you crazy with fighting and whining, or crying all night and not letting you sleep, or you have the stomach flu and have to care for everyone when you aren't feeling well?  I had one of those days recently.  I desperately needed encouragement.  I didn't feel strong enough to face the challenges of the day. 

And God stepped in, in His gentle way and reassured me that

HE CARES.

Even though I don't deserve it.

Even though I continually look to other things to satisfy me.

Even though many others have greater trials than I do.

I was feeling desperate and all of a sudden I heard God speaking to me through a song from the Whirl n' Worship DVD the kids were watching.

It is a fun, upbeat, Jamaican-style song that says, "I can do everything, everything through Christ who gives me strength, oh, oh, Jesus gives me the strength I need, He gives me the strength I need, He gives me power from above...."

And the tears fell.

He cares. 

He gives me all the strength I need to get through this day, this difficult moment.  I'm not alone.  When I needed a word of encouragement, He was there, speaking through His Words set to a kid's song.

The Truth that Sets us Free

I've been posting about the Lies Women Believe and today I will share The Truth That Sets Them Free!

Truth sets us free, protects us, and sanctifies us.

1.  God is good. (Ps. 119:68, 136:1)

God is good and everthing He does is good.  I may not see His hand, but I know His heart.

2.  God loves me and wants me to have His best (Rom. 8:32, 38-39)3.

3.  I am accepted in Christ (Eph. 1:4-6)

4.  God is enough (Ps. 23:1)

5.  God can be trusted (Isa. 38:16)

6.  God doesn't make any mistakes (Isa. 46:10)

Everything that comes into my life has been "filtered through His fingers of love."

7.  God's grace is sufficient for me (2 Cor. 12:9)  God is drawn to my weakness.

8.  The blood of Christ is sufficient to cover all of my sin (1 John 1:7)

9.  The cross of Christ is sufficient to conquer my sinful flesh (Rom 6:6-7).  I don't have to sin! (rom 6:14)

10.  My past does not have to plague me (1 Cor. 6:9-11).

My past failures can become stepping stones to greater victory and fruitfulness

If I will let Him, God will cause everything that has happened to me to work together for my good and His Glory.

11.  God's Word is sufficient to lead me, teach me, and heal me (Ps. 19:7, 107:20, 119:105)

12.  Through the power of His Holy Spirit, God will enable me to do anything He commands me to do (1 Thess. 5:24, Phi. 2:13)

There is no one I cannot forgive (Mark 11:25)

There is no one I cannot love (Matt. 5:44)

I can give thanks in all things (1 Thess. 5:18)

13.  Forgiveness is a choice.

14.  Contentment is a choice.

15.  I am responsible before God for my behavior, responses, and choices.  (Ezek. 18:19-22)

16.  I will reap whatever I sow (Gal. 6:7-8)

17.  The pathway to true joy is to relinquish control (Matt. 16:25, Luke 1:38, 1 Peter 5:7)

of my life

of my husband

of my children

of my circumstances

18. The greatest freedom I can experience is found through submission to God-ordained authority (Eph. 5:21)

The husband is the head of the wife (Eph. 5:23)

The wife is to respect and submit to her husband (Eph. 5:23, 33)

The heart of the king is in the Lord's hand (Prov. 21:1)

19.  In the will of God, there is no higher, holier calling than to be a wife and mother (Titus 2:4-5)

20.  It is more important that I be holy than that I be happy (Eph. 5:26-27)

Happiness is not a right.  I have a responsibility and calling to be holy.

21.  God is more concerned about changing me and glorifying Himself than about solving my problems (Rom. 8:29).

22.  It is impossible to be holy without suffering.  Suffering is the #1 tool in the hand of God to conform me to the image of Jesus (1 Peter 5:10)

23.  My suffering will not last forever (2 Cor. 4:17-18)

24.  It's not about me.  It's all about Him!  (Col 1:16-18, Rev. 4:11)

Lies Women Believe

Yesterday I listed the lies women believe from the mini-retreat I attended.  It was based on Nancy Leigh Demoss' book called Lies Women Believe.

As I listened to the sessions and began check-marking the lies that I found myself believing or tempted to believe lately, I was amazed at how many there were.  I need LOTS of work!  Here are some of the lies I caught in my own life:

*God is enough

I know He is intellectually, but so often I dwell on what I don't have (like a house) instead of Him

*God should fix my problems

I want instant relief from trials and hardship. 

But God is not a genie in a bottle, whose wish is my command.  So often my prayers revolve around pleas for help and for answers to my requests, instead of focusing on Him and what He is doing for His glory in my life.

*I cannot walk in consistent victory over sin. 

Time and time again of blowing it in a certain area can make you feel that you will never see progress or change.

*I can make it without consistent time in the Word and in prayer. 

I know this isn't true, but so often I allow the "urgent" demands of the day steal this time from me.

*I don't have time for everything I'm supposed to do! 

The truth is that I don't have time to do everything I want to do or that others want me to do, but I do have enough time to do what God asks of me.

*Children are a burden. 

While I would never say this to my friends, I do communicate this to my kids much of the time.  Frustration with the constant messes, irritation over having to stop my work to wipe a poopy bottom or get them the 100th thing for the day says to my kids that they are a burden and an inconvenience rather than a blessing and a joy.

*I can't forgive or love a difficult person in my life. 

*I can't help the way that I feel. 

I can't control my emotions.  I can't do what's right when my emotions are out of whack. 

*I just can't take anymore. 

(I caught myself saying this just a few days before the seminar when my hubby was working a 60-hour week and I was virtually a single parent all week long.

*If my circumstances were different

(like, if we had a home of our own, or didn't have to move again) I would be happier.

What lies do you find yourself

believing or living out in your life?

Lies Women Believe

I had the priviledge of attending a mini-retreat on Saturday with my Mom at her church.  It was on "Lies Women Believe and The Truth That Sets Them Free."  We watched a few Nancy Leigh Demoss talks on this subject, had some good discussion, and had an excellent lunch and encouraging fellowship.  I came away feeling convicted of many of the lies I had been "buying into" and challenged by the Lord to think on the truth.  A couple of my good friends asked about what the lies were and I got to thinking that it would be good to post them so that all of my blogreaders could benefit.  Some are controversial and need to be taken in context. 

LIES WOMEN BELIEVE

1.  God is not really good.  If He were, He would.....

2.  God doesn't love me.

3.  God is just like my father.

4.  God is not really enough.

-God's Word is not really sufficient to deal with my problems.

-Someone/Something else can make me happier than God can.

5.  God's ways are too restrictive.

6.  God should fix my problems.

7.  I'm not worth anything.

8.  I can't help the way that I am.

9.  I have my rights.

10. Beauty is external and physical.

11. Physical beauty matters more than inner character.

12.  I should not have to live unfulfilled longings.

13.  It's okay to do whatever I need to do to get my needs met.

14.  This body of believers doesn't really need me.  I can just hide here.

15.  God can't forgive what I have done.

16.  My sins aren't really that bad.

17.  I can sin and get away with it.

      a.  I won't get what I deserve.

      b.  The choices I make today will not have consequences.

      c.  I can play with fire and not get burned.

18.  I am not responsible for my sinful choices and reactions.

19.  I cannot walk in victory over sin.

20.  I can make it without consistent time in the Word and prayer.

21.  A career outside the home is more valuable and fulfilling than being a wife and mother.

22.  I don't have time to do everything I am supposed to do!

23.  I have to have a husband to be happy.

24.  It's my responsibility to change my mate.

25.  Marriage should be a democracy.  Equal say.  Equal rule.

26.  My husband is supposed to serve me and make me happy.

27.  Both mates are responsible to provide for the family.

28.  If I submit to my husband, I will be miserable.

29.  If my husband is passive, then I've got to take the bull by the horns and do something.

30.  My marriage is hopeless.  It can never change.

31.  I'm better off getting a divorce than staying in an unhappy marriage.

32.  If my husband doesn't love and respect me, I have the right to leave him.
       (This is not referring to situations of abuse).

33.  If my husband isn't faithful to me, I am free from my vows.

34.  I should not have to put up with suffering in my marriage.

35.  If my husband were unfaithful to me I could never forgive him.

36.  I would be happier if I left my husband and married another man.

37.  We should determine the size of our family based on how many children we want, how many we think we can handle nad how many we think we can provide for.

38.  Children are a burden.

39.  All children will go through a rebellious state.

40.  If I weren't tied down by children I could do more to serve the Lord.

41.  We are not responsible for how our children turned out.
     (Not that this guarantees they will follow Christ or that we can be prideful in our children)

42.  Children need to get exposed to the real world so they can learn to function in it.

43.  I just can't forgive so and so.

44.  I just can't love so and so.

45.  I can't help so and so.  She needs a professional counselor.

46.  I can't help the way that I feel.  I can't control my emotions.

47.  My emotions area  reflection of the truth.  If I feel unloved, that means I am unloved.  If I feel alone, that means I am alone.

48.  It's understandable to act like a shrew at certain times.

49.  My depression is probably caused by a chemical imbalance.
 (Sometimes this is the case, but is often blamed when it is really spiritual depression)

50.  I can't do what's right when my emotions are out of whack.  Tiredness is not an excuse for carnality.

51.  If my circumstances were different, I would be different.

52.  I am a victim.  (Past offences, upbringing, circumstances)

53.  My circumstances will never change.  This will go on forever.

54.  I just can't take anymore.

Tomorrow I will share the lies that I really struggle with and the following day I will share the truth that replaces those lies we women believe.  Prayerfully read over this list and consider, "Which lies do I seem to be living out in my life?"  We may say we don't believe them consciously, but our actions speak louder than words.  We may say time in the Word is of utmost importance, but do we LIVE it?  Which lies are you LIVING OUT in your life right now?

A Glimpse of Jesus in Today's World

There are some incredible men in our town who are being Jesus to the kids around them. Two of my dad's good friends formed a ministry that reaches out to boys without dads. It's called Fathers in the Field.

One guy involved in this ministry in our town is a hard-working local businessman and volunteers his time to mentor a young boy each week. The boy he mentors is very poor, doesn't have a dad, and has a difficult life. However, thanks to this businessman, he has a wise "father figure" in his life who regularly takes time to go on adventures with him, a new camoflauge coat to keep him warm this winter, and a Christian education (that's right, his Father in the Field guy pays his tuition so he can go to the Christian school.) This guy doesn't broadcast his good deeds, but I found out about his generosity quietly (it's a small town) and was so touched. With all the bad news out there these days, here is some good news! There are many men in our town involved with this ministry and it is growing into a national ministry. At the website there is even a video of one guy from our town, the main founder, being interviewed on TBN about Fathers in the Field.

Check out this website to find out more about Fathers in the Field. If you are an empty-nester man who wants to make a difference for the Lord and you enjoy the great outdoors, this may be a ministry God is calling you to work with. If you want to get your congregation turned on to this incredible ministry, find out on the site how you can get someone to come to your church and train your men to mentor fatherless boys.

I wasn't asked by anyone to post this, but I feel compelled to do so because it is such a God-glorifying thing that is taking place for hurting kids!

Gratitude Journals

I used some scraps from my collection of old Christmas cards and a family photo for mine.

Alathia is in a kitten/puppy/bunny stage so these stickers we had in the homeschooling box worked for her notebook!

Jeremiah's Gratitude Journal

I absolutely love reading the blog Holy Experience. I found it through another favorite blog of mine, The Homespun Heart. When I read Holy Experience, my heart feels squeezed, I feel infused with truth and encouragement in my role as a mother.

One of the main things Ann Voskamp posts about at Holy Experience is her experience in starting a Gratitude Journal, which she calls 1,000 Gifts. When she set out to find 1,000 things to be thankful for, she began to fill her days with thankfulness and praise and she has long since passed the one thousand mark! I loved her idea so much I made some simple journals out of some notebooks in our stash that were purchased on a back-to-school sale for 8 cents each.

Every day it is a delight to see what my children draw in their journal. They draw while I read from the Bible for a while. It helps them listen better. My daughter, in typical girl fashion makes everything into families. One day she was thankful for wolves and rainbows (drawing a family of each), one day circles and dots (with a daddy, mommy, and baby circles), one day for princesses and girl baby dolls, cat families, the moon, and a house. Jeremiah, being a typical little boy drew snakes and lizards the first two days and I have to remind him daily that he needs to pick something new besides snakes! So he's moved on to giraffes, hippos, and other animal favorites!

Eventually, I may move Gratitude Journal time to the end of the day as I like the idea of closing the day by thanking God for something memorable and sweet that happened that day and recording it for posterity. But for now, it fits in well with our morning school routine.

I have sooooo much to be thankful for! For strong arms enveloping me in a hug at lunch time, for a sugar plum princess ballerina dress for my daughter's December recital, for a new watch, for a mountain sunset, for a free Happy Meal coupon, for fresh ground pepper on sauteed vegetables, for sweet conversation with friends, for tears shared together with a friend in pain, for the taste of fresh breadsticks, for beautiful September days, for lazy fall picnics, for bike rides to the park, for kissable baby cheeks, for the beauty of music, for clean Carhardt jeans, for frozen blueberries on top of oatmeal waffles, for a washing machine, for clean dishes every morning from the dishwasher, for pumpkin cheesecake and mini marshmallows in a steaming cup of cocoa, for God's never-ending patience with me, for a baby who loves to clean up library books, for friends who understand and save time for a chat, for kids who spontaneously give each other foot massages, for creativity and the ability to create, for authors who pierce my heart with deep truths, for excellent printable coupons, for giggling kids, for lush parks, for new beginnings, for the chance to watch God work in the lives of those around us, for trials that grow us, for the ache that means the friendship was a great one, for lotion that is neither greasy or watery and gets the job done, for that twinkle in Grandpa's eye when he laughs, for a Grammy who invites Ali to share lunch and recess with her at school, for the magnificence of autumn..........

I could go on and on but I'd better stop lest this post get too long! The more I look for evidences of graces in my life, the more I see them.