The Gentle Mothers Support Club

So, how is everyone doing with mothering with gentleness these days? I feel like some days I do so well and really delight in my kids, but so often it's all too easy to completely lose it and be way out of control emotionally! I wish I could snap my fingers and make myself perfect in this area but I guess it will be a lifelong journey! And no doubt God uses the children we have to teach us patience and self-control too! I can't wait to not be pregnant anymore and see if that has any difference in how irritable I am with Ali and the naughty things she does.

This week I've been mulling over whether or not some of the things that bug us most about our kids are things we ourselves have modeled before them. It all started for me when I went on a lake trip with a friend and Ali began freaking out every single time a toy or shovel got in the water on the edge of the beach. She was going crazy and panicking about the toys floating away. Of course her little buddy decided to capitalize on the situation by throwing her floatie ring into the water just to hear her scream! I tried calming Ali down and the boy's mother tried convincing him to stop but at last he threw it a few feet out and Ali had a complete meltdown and went into screaming hysterics over her little $1 floatie! She was screaming in a bossy manner at my friend to get it and my friend was busy trying to make her son go out with her and get it and the floatie went a little further and further. Meanwhile, Ali's incessant screaming and crying freaked out the little kids, one of whom started crying too. Finally, my friend went out to her chest and got the floatie and her son got in big trouble for refusing to help her and throwing it in the first place. I tried calming Ali down and explaining that it wasn't the end of the world if we lost a floatie and she would be punished for such extreme hysterics if she did it again. I was emotionally worn down and embarrassed by her behavior and at a loss as to how to deal with it and with her. Later, chatting with that same friend on the beach I said, "I don't know why she's pulling this drama queen thing lately. She's paranoid about balloons flying away, her brother going close to the gate at our house, and always cautions me to be careful driving. I wonder if I could be modeling it or encouraging it?"

Then I got to thinking about how scared I am of the kids getting out on the street or running in parking lots and how often I backseat drive and tell King Jo to slow down or to be careful on my parents' somewhat rickety bridge. Am I modeling paranoa for my children? While I may not scream and cry tears, are my serious lectures and vehement warnings rubbing off in a negative way, making her scared of the world?

I've been dwelling on these thoughts this week and realizing that some of what kids go through is developmental, and some is just personality related. I can't live my life thinking everything my kid does is a reflection of my parenting or of me. This breeds unhealthy parenting and I mentioned that the book Scream-Free Parenting covers this and states that we aren't responsible FOR them but TO them. I have fallen in the trap of pride and perfectionism of being horribly humiliated and angry and upset when my kids have hit other kids or refused to obey or listen in public and I feel like everyone must think that I'm a failure of a parent or that I'm not doing it "right."

However, even if our kids are innately sinful little humans who often act against what we are training them in and how we want them to act, I think we have a huge impact on them through our example. How appropriate that my devotional reading for today, out of "A Mom After God's Own Heart," included this poem:

A careful Dad I ought to be;

A little fellow follows me.

I do not dare to go astray,

For fear he'll go the selfsame way.

Not once can I escape his eyes;

Whate'er he sees me do he tries.

Like me he says he's going to be,

That little chap who follows me.

I must remember as I go

Through summer sun and winter snow;

I'm molding for the years to be-

The little chap who follows me.

Benjamin R. DeJong

Parenting is such a huge task! There's nothing like watching your children play and seeing "yourself" coming out in them. You know you aren't being a Christ-like mommy when your daughter is yelling at her dolls and being harsh with them! On the other hand, it's so precious to see them "disciplining" their little dolls in love or pretending to have devotions with them or tenderly wrapping them up and cuddling them.

If you've blown it big this week, be encouraged that you can start afresh; it's never too late. Lean on the Spirit to help you change your habits, patterns, and reactions.

Reflect on whether or not there is anything in your own life that you are modeling for your kids that you shouldn't be and determine to work on it. Join the Gentle Mothers Support Club by sharing your thoughts on this in comments section!

You all know that I am working on gentleness, something I truly want to model for my children but so often fail at. I also want to make sure that during this "panick mode" of Ali's current stage I am modeling trust in God and teaching her how to control her emotions (which is something we women continually struggle with throughout life.)