The Little Things that Broke the Mama's Back

A Stay-at-home mom probably won't lose it because of the kids. She probably won't be utterly exhausted by cleaning the bathroom alone. What she will probably break from is the little demands that add up to an enormous load.
You see, many people who haven't ever been at-home moms will assume that it's an easy job. They will assume that you are bored, lazy, unmotivated, and definitely "have the time" to do various things for them. They will sweetly request little things of you, never knowing that they are the 60th person to demand a little favor or little chunk of time from you that week, or even that day! Now, don't get me wrong, I love the extra time I have to be available for people and to serve them and minister to them. I love the fact that I can sew little gifts to bless people, cook things for church functions, babysit a friend's child when an emergency comes up, etc. Almost NO ONE in today's world is available and that's one of the best parts of being a stay-home mom. My mom was always available for us and always ready to listen to our chatter about our school day, was home if we got sick at school, etc. The other day my younger bro called me and I think it was mainly because he was lonely and knew that I WAS HOME! It was really cool, especially since he's often angry with me (he's not a believer). I think AVAILABILITY is one of the best parts of being in the home.

However, this availability causes many to try to take advantage of that. Earnest, honest people calling for favors or help. A lady from Bible Study asking, "Can you bring treats?" Not a big deal, but this is the 4th church/social event you've been asked to provide a treat for this week. Someone asking you to sub in a ministry role at church. Not a big deal, but what if you've missed the last few Sunday worship services because you were serving behind the scenes? A neighbor asks for a tiny favor (which with our neighbors is usually not at all tiny). Because I speak Spanish, I've ordered countless pizzas for them, the two different families insurances, and Satellite TV. We loaned them tools, helped them with their cars, loaned them the mixer so many times I wanted to buy them one, babysat their kids many times, etc. Some other people in my life who are very close to me are notorious for asking "little" favors. They don't have a camera, so I need to not only take all their photos for them, but also e-mail them to different people and/or have them printed off online. They also ask me to order stuff for them online, take care of their animals when they're out of town, go to the Post office, etc. You know people are getting a little co-dependant when they can't wait for you to return from vacation and show up with chocolate bars on your doorstep. Other people assume that because I'm home all day, I should be able to chat endlessly about aimless things. For this reason, I have to screen calls and limit any phone conversations unless the kids are in bed.

I guess my point in all this rambling is that we who are stay-at-home moms have a VERY demanding and challenging job and we need to learn the art of saying no. If you have little ones, your job of keeping them safe, fed, clean, and alive is enough to keep you overly busy all day and every day without extra demands from others. It's hard for me to say no to worthy causes, but so necessary to my emotional well-being and the structure of my family. If people think I'm mean, stingy, or lazy, then they obviously don't know me and why should I care what they think of me if I'm being faithful to God?
When you do say no to the good, you free yourself up to be available to help with what's BEST. What's best might be assisting your husband with a major project, reading lots of stories to your children, or spending time in prayer with other moms for your kids.

It is so scary in our churches today how being busy in the ministry is a really good thing and applauded by all but being busy at home is looked down upon. I tend to have the opposite view. If someone is involved in 5 different ministries in the church, I tend to pity their family and wonder what they are sacrificing for their involvement. I know there are many woman who must work full-time for their families to be able to eat, but if they are also involved in major ministry committments and have children too, they are probably incredibly stressed and who would want to live like that? I heard a Hamburger Helper commercial on the radio the other day where a mom said she was a full-time schoolteacher and a girl's basketball coach but her family was her first priority (and that's why she fed them Hamburger Helper.) Personally, I wouldn't feed Hamburger Helper to anyone, but I found it humerous that she would spend about 9 hours at work, 2-3 hours at basketball practice and maybe one hour with her kids if she was lucky, and then have the nerve to say that they were her first priority!
I can't tell you how much I admire women who refuse to be involved in too many things because they are focused on their family and home-life. I can't tell you how much it shocks me to hear people in my church demanding that busy women get busy and do more.
There is a desperate need in our churches today to have a Biblical view of marriage and family life. I refuse to have a frazzled, stressed family that can never sit down to eat together for the sake of "doing ministry" and can't do family devotions because they're always at church functions in the evenings. I refuse to please the continual stream of people asking for favors if it compromises my commitment to my family.