For those of you who think that I buy everything on sale, I'll let you in on a little secret. I think buying croc-style shoes for kids full-price is WORTH it! I try to find them at a yard sale or on clearance (Got Ali some adorable bright pink OshKosh Mary Jane crocs marked down to $3.80 from $20) but if they aren't on sale, they are still worth the $6 or $7 they cost at Wal-Mart. Croc-style shoes may not look very manly, according to my hubby, but this Mama loves them because they wash easily, dry easily, stay nice to hand down to siblings, and most of all, a child can put them on by himself/herself!!!
I began to notice that getting Jer's shoes on was a HUGE hassel and took way longer than it should. His shoes were always lost and if we happened to find two of them, they usually didn't fit (he seems to grow out of shoes overnight). Then it was a pain to find socks and get him to sit down to get the socks and the shoes on before his attention span took him elsewhere. He didn't own any shoes that could be worn without socks and had grown out of last summer's croc-style sandals. I remember Ali putting her own socks and shoes on herself before she was 2. Also, the little girl I babysit who is Jer's age can quickly get her shoes on and off by herself (she has croc-ish shoes too). I decided that the frustration just wasn't worth it. Especially when he enjoys going outside to play multiple times a day and we face this trauma every time. So, I had my mom pick up these little crocs for him when she went to WalMart. And he put them on himself! I guess we'll just need to work on the left/right thing now!
This whole thing made me think about the differences between boys and girls. Ali was so fiercely independant and has always been "responsible" and interested in dressing herself and taking care of herself. Likewise, the little girl I babysit, who is the opposite personality of Ali, does the same. When Ali was smaller, her best boy friend didn't dress himself or do for himself even though though he was 11 months older than her and the same personality type as her. Jer's favorite phrases are, "I can't do it." and "Help me Mom!" He will stand there and half-heartedly attempt to pull up his pants and give up so easily. I have been working with him a lot on pulling pants up and down after going potty and he's doing better. And I realize it's a GOOD thing that he doesn't know how to take clothing off since Ali did this at 17 months and flung poopy diapers everywhere.
He will try to take his crocs off by himself by kicking them and when they don't fly off he says he can't do it. He doesn't try to sit, try to bend, try to use his hands, etc. He seems to lack problem solving skills or the motivation to even try. He would rather ask someone to do it for him. He reminds me so much of my brother (whom he is named after--middle name) who loves nothing more than to be spoiled by others!
So, I ask you other moms out there, do you think that boys are "in general" less likely to do for themselves and to be "helpless" or is it just a personality thing? When I asked my mom, who is a teacher, about this, she adamantly agreed that little boys are more helpless than little girls and thinks it relates to the curse where men are tempted to be passive and women are tempted to rule. What do you think? Do some of you out there have helpless girls and motivated boys?
7 comments:
Not sure about the boys vs. girls thing, but I love how Jer's shoes are on the wrong feet in the picture! Very cute. :)
We just bought crocs for Kardelen, as she grew out of her last-summer pair, so Sofia will get those. I love that they're easy-on, easy-off. The only thing I don't like is that their feet actually get dirtier because the dirt gets through the holes in their shoes, but this is usually not a big deal.
I think it has less to do with gender and more to do with personality and birth place in the family. My middle daugther is very much like this while my oldest is much more independent. They are both girls. My middle daughter seems to need help doing EVERYTHING and acts as if she can't do anything on her own. Interestingly though she's much more compliant and easy going than her older, more independent sister. Maybe that's the case in your family too!
I have no experience with little boys but my little girls are quite different. At 3 years old Ana still loves to be the baby and tells me that she will be little forever. She likes to have help with anything and everything. It has nothing to do with ability. She is perfectly capable. She just loves the extra attention of mommy's help. Abby at 16 months old however is already quite independent. She insists on feeding herself no matter what it is and is already wanting to copy big sis and sit on the potty chair - despite that she does not yet have the control or communication to potty train. So for my kids - its strictly personality - not gender or birth order.
My 3 little boys are all pretty independent, although my middle one is the least.
My oldest wants to do everything for himself... clothes, making toast, pouring milk, laundry...
Roman, the 3 1/2 year old likes to do everything for himself - unless he is in one of his "I want to be the baby, I want attention" moods. Then he wants me to help.
And the baby? Well, I had to place a lock on the fridge because he is constantly trying to pour his own milk, get his own food etc.
Sometimes I wish they were less independent...my mom says I did it to myself because I really insist/expect them to do a lot for themselves.
Here is another question...I wonder if a lot of it is how they choose to react to their parents examples.
Does one child look at a mom with a strong servant's heart and say, "I want to be like that! I want to do things for others and myself too!"
And maybe a sibling looks at the same mom and says, "sweet! I got a free ride, mom will do anything for me."
BTW, Roman's signature item is his orange crocs. He is on his second pair...has worn them everyday for the last couple years, yes, winter too! (yes, I know, but my kids each have only 1 pair of shoes and 1 pair of boots.)
Like you I had a girl then a boy and my experience is like yours. My son still wants help pulling his sweat pants up despite my encouraging him to do it himself. My daughter was dressing/undressing herself by this time. I'm torn on the shoe issues. I think sneakers provide the best foot protection, but tying and untying shoes all day just isn't realistic. Winter has been nice b/c they can get their own boots on.
I have twins - a boy and a girl - who are almost 4 (beginning of May). He definately isn't as independent in dressing, potty, etc. as she is even though they're both strong personalities and generally independent. I've always wondered why that is, but all their other caregivers (preschool, sunday school, daycare) say it's perfectly normal at this stage. According to them, part of it is dexterity and part of it is brain wiring - apparently they are slightly behind girls in developing dexterity and have more trouble concentrating on more than one thing at once. Not sure if that's true, but my son does do better if we tell him step by step what to do (ex: pull up your pants, snap your pants, zip your pants) and give plenty of encouragement (see, I knew you could do it!).
BTW, I missed the DeLurking! Happy Birthday late. I'm Lea and live in MN. Working Outside of My Home Christian Mommy of 2 and wife of 11 years to a soon-to-be Pastor! You have great ideas and I love your blog - which I found through Crystal's Biblical Womanhood site!
PS: My daughter's shoes are ALWAYS on the wrong feet - so your pic made me giggle!
I think it definitely has to do with personality! Carsen is way more independent than Kennedy. He goes to the bathroom all by himself and Kennedy has to tell us when she is going and wants us in there with her! He also dresses himself more and does more things by himself than she does.
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