God's Grace for a "Mean" Mommy

Today has been a stressful day with the kids. Yesterday I was unusually nauseous in spite of my Unisom so last night I took a full pill and I feel soooo tired today. The kids have been unceasingly cranky and demanding, spilling water all over me and the couch, doing things they were told not to do a thousand times, sticking their hands in my juice glass and my cereal bowl, making messes, getting into stuff, and wacking me very hard (ouch!) in the nose with a book. I have been very short-fused and taking out my frustration on these little tykes in what could aptly be described as Militant Mommy or Harsh Taskmaster Mommy. Finally, when I scolded my daughter at lunch for yet another careless mess, she burst into tears and began her howling routine, which looks every bit like the face she made as a newborn baby. After her howls subsided, she said something that made me feel like the worst mommy on earth. "Mommy, do you still...(sob)...love me?"

Needless to say I apologized and asked for her forgiveness and told her Mommy has been a crabby and mean Mommy but that is going to change. I assured her I loved her very much and then she happily went on to name each member of the family and say she loved them too. I told her I am not feeling good today but that's no excuse. If there's one thing that has been hard for me to learn, it is how to manage my emotions where I'm inclined to let them control me and the situation. For example, when I'm very inclined to be cranky during a certain time of the month when I'm not pregnant, it's all too easy to go with the chemicals in my body that are causing me to be irritable. Finding God's grace to OVERCOME hormones has been something I have often struggled with. But I realized today that I absolutely MUST learn to trust God in these difficult times so that I can have a godly and peaceful home. I don't want to be a child's worst nightmare for a mommy. I don't want to let the difficulties of life drag me down because there will ALWAYS be difficulties as a mom. Yes, right now is probably the most exhausting time of my life thus far, but later down the road I might be even more exhausted or drained or circumstances may be even worse and I need to know how to live for God in spite of what is going on around me or inside of me. He has provided all that we need for any and every situation. I need to remember one of my favorite verses: "But He said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is made perfect in weakness. Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me." 2 Cor. 12:9


My little girl proceeded to make my day very sweet indeed by throwing her arms around me and saying, "I'm so glad you're here." It was such a blessing after what a crabby person I've been today to know that she is glad I am here for her, no matter how tired or sick I am. I will endeavor to be a loving and kind Mama to her, no matter how I'm feeling.