Mothering With Gentleness

Maybe it's the fact that I have a very strong-willed preschooler, maybe it's pregnancy hormones, maybe it's the fact that we're too much alike or that we're just human beings in general that struggle with sin, but lately I've found myself SEVERELY lacking in gentleness. As I go over the love chapter (1 Cor. 13) and review the fruits of the Spirit (Gal. 5) it is my hope and prayer that God would help me to exhibit more gentleness, kindness, and patience in my mothering these days. I've been less like the softspoken, wise mothers portrayed in books and movies, and more like a "Drill Sergeant Mommy." I know the reasons for this. It's because being a mom is a job that is endless, with no days off, no breaks, and duty around the clock, whether you feel like it or not. Not only that, but motherhood is physically and mentally exhausting, especially in my condition. Kids can also be frustrating. It's not just that they spilled their milk, but that they spilled their milk for the 10th time this week, and did it after smearing jelly everywhere, 5 seconds after you cleaned the whole house AGAIN and mopped the floor. It's not that they have wasted 5 minutes of your day looking for socks and shoes but that they do the stalling/dinking/whining routine about 5 times a day when you are getting ready to go out or when they want to play outside or go to the laundry room with you. It's not that you hate feeding your kids, it's just that you get sick of filling sippy cups about 12 times a day and fixing 5-6 snacks per day per child and then doing the clean-up afterward.

It's easy to see why mothers, myself a the top of the list, struggle with gentleness. We have SO MUCH to accomplish in a day, that it's hard not to feel frustrated, angry, harsh, and snappy when little someones are doing everything they can, or so it seems, to make our lives harder and more difficult as they create more and more work for us.

Which is why I decided to occasionally post on this subject, to keep myself accountable to grow in this area and to seek ideas from my blog readers on growing in Gentleness as a mother. Here are some of my ideas for getting a start on this:

1. Memorize Scriptures about Gentleness.

2. Post a few little notes around the house with verses/one-word reminders about being gentle.

3. Cut down my schedule. Every now and then I find that the boundaries I've worked hard to create have slipped again and people are taking too much of me. I need to be better about screening calls again (as I have a frequent caller who takes up too much of my time for no reason) and saying "No" to friends who invite us to playdates that will just wear me out. A less-hectic schedule means less hurrying and stressing and less being snappy with the kids.

4. Play more soft music. I had been doing this, but recently we got out of the habit. Playing classical music or soft instrumentals really sets a more peaceful tone for the home.

5. Continue to read books on rearing children and discipline. Sometimes I find myself getting all worked up and treating childish behavior like outright defiance even though it's not the same thing. I need the refreshers on how to be consistent in dealing with disobedience, but not being a harsh taskmaster that expects more out of a child then they can developmentally do.

6. Ask my husband and friends to keep me accountable to this and to check up on me and see how I'm doing in the area of Gentle Mothering.

7. Clean-up the patio and get a sandbox ready for the kids so that they can spend a lot of time outside, wearing off energy without destroying the inside of our house!

8. Me Last. Moms feel like slaves on many a day, but it's interesting how we can still be selfish in spite of our constant chores, constant service, and their constant need for us. Even if I "think" my day is all about the kids, sometimes I have to step back and realize that it's really all about me. It's about getting their needs taken care of us as quickly as I can so I can move on to tackle "my" cleaning list, "my" blogging, "my" reading, "my" agenda for the day and how it should go. I need to re-adjust my attitude so that I see each day as a chance to serve my family with a cheerful heart, realizing that some good things or desirable things may have to go or be saved for a later time when they are in bed.