Thursday, May 14, 2009

A Disposable Diaper Day

I love Justus' Scrunchy Face Look. He always makes this face when he's tired and ready for a nap.

To say this day has been rough would be an understatement.

It's a disposable diaper day today. Which means that life is so hard, I'm willing to spend 20 cents per diaper change just to make life slightly easier.

Ignorance is bliss unless it involves a toddler. Ignorance involving a toddler's mess is far worse than the initial mess itself. Remember our Christmas Day Experience involving ignorance? Today's lesson: Not knowing that your toddler pooped in the yard and got it on his hands means that when you smell something funny in the van, you suddenly have to sanitize the toddler, the bathtub, the sink, the toddler you are babysitting who played with your toddler, your van, your grass, your yard toys, the carseat, the van carpet, all the clothes and shoes your toddler was wearing, the toys in his hands, etc.

Not only did I deal with this mess today, but I also forgot my daughter at preschool for the second time this week! (She only goes twice a week, so these are some sad statistics.) I've been watching my friend's daughter while Ali is at school and apparently this week my brain has decided to think that Arianna is Ali and I don't have a daughter to pick up. Thankfully, it's not too big of a deal since Grammy is at school and Ali can just join Grammy's class for a little while until Mommy gets there, but it makes me wonder if I'm under a lot of stress. Oh, wait. I have 3 tiny kids! Every day involves plenty of stress.

Justus somehow managed to take his disposable diaper off at naptime. At first I felt enormous relief as his blanket didn't feel wet. Maybe I caught him in time! Then I lifted up the blanket and discovered his Pack n' Play crib was soaked. Another load of laundry and more bonding time with the hose as I spray things down and wash everything. The neighbors must be wondering why I'm spraying down everything in sight today. The hose has a lot of water pressure and jerked out of my hand to spray me with ice cold water. For the second time today.

This week has also been hard because every day Ali and I have a showdown when it comes to naptimes. For the last couple of years, Ali hasn't needed naps in the afternoon in the fall and winter. However, in the late spring and summer, she has napped well, even at age 3 and now, at age 4, she still needs one during this season. Yet she fights me on it until the last bit of strength is gone from her body and she finally succumbs to sleep. She's always been a sleep-fighter so I shouldn't be surprised, but I'd rather have her not nap at all and just play with activity boxes than scream and fuss day after day, lacking the self-control it takes to just lay down and go to sleep. After one hour-long power struggle yesterday I had just "had it." Justus had been screaming all afternoon, not feeling well with a cold, and my nerves were shot. I felt like a horrible failure as a mother for being so angry with her and felt so sick of dealing with her. I looked like I had been through a war when my husband got home. In a way, I really had been!

I've been extremely weary several days this month. I've been contemplating my weariness and trying to find out the source. A lot of people think that weariness is your own fault. And sometimes it is. Poor decisions, inability to say no, and jam-packed schedules can cause weariness. There are some circumstances that have contributed to my weariness which I'll share with you in a few days in a post I'm composing. But, my main source of weariness is my job. I often beg my husband to trade me jobs. My dad always jokes that my job is one he would never, ever, ever want. And yet, unless I give three little darlings up for adoption, I don't foresee an end to the relentless demands of my job any time soon. It's a job you just can't quit and there are few, if any, breaks from it. Most days I love it, but every day is busy and every day is hard. Day in and day out God uses my children to reveal my depravity, to chip away at my self-sufficiency, to bring me to my knees begging for grace and the strength to make it. Day after day, through the trials of being a Mom, I am forced to the foot of the cross.

Sometimes we have a mindset that "when this will be so good." Maybe it's when we graduate from school, when we get married, when we get pregnant, when we have the baby, when summer comes, when we have more money, or when the kids get older, etc. etc. Yet, we always come to find that life is just hard and even if our circumstances were relatively easy, we are still sinful, missing the mark of perfection, and dealing with the consequences of sin. We live in a fallen world where there is much sadness, hardship, sickness, and pain.

We need Jesus. We need Him so, so, so much. We need Him every day, every hour. We need to remember that He hasn't promised us an easy life but has instead said that in this world we will have trouble. "These things I have spoken to you, so that in Me you may have peace. In the world you have tribulation, but take courage; I have overcome the world." John 16:33

In the midst of our troubles, He has given us peace. He is with us! He has allowed various trials in our lives for His glory and our good and He will see us through.

"Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing." James 1:2-4

I linked to a woman named Rachel's testimony earlier today. In her talk, she mentioned how it can be so frustrating to be a mom and do the same chores over and over again. She said she was serving constantly, but her problem was that she wasn't serving WITH joy. Though my job often feels like more than I can handle, I know it is not. God does not give us more than we can handle with His help. I, too, like Rachel, need to ask the Lord to help me serve WITH joy, even when circumstances are difficult and trials come my way.

So, if you've ever gotten the impression from this blog that my life is perfect and easy and that I'm the best mom ever and the fun never ends, I apologize. I often highlight the fun and the blessings in our home and in our life, but that is not the whole picture. I'm continually being refined just like you.

Stay tuned for more on the subject of Hope for Weary Mamas.


Lesley said...

Oh Lindsey, I hear you one thousand percent!! Your days are just like mine. Hard. Exhausting. And sometimes I don't feel like I can take another minute either.

Thanks for the Scriptural reminders and for keepin' it real because being a mom of three little ones is the hardest thing ever! Of course, it is also such a joy and I am reminded often of how incredibly blessed we really are.

I love that cute picture of Justus. That face he is making is so adorable! Christian has a version of the "scrunchy face" too where you can see his two little teeth and it always cracks me up.

Hang in there. Next week will probably go super smoothly for you after the stressful one you've had! You're doing a great job and you'll make it through! :)

Stacy E. said...

amen, Amen, AMen, AMEn, AMEN, AAAAAAMEN!!!!!
Thank you for the "real life" honesty! Blessings are wonderful to hear about & I can relate to those, but I can also REALLY relate to the day to day grind stuff.


Heather said...

This is so similar to a conversation I had with Jacob last week!

Let's do a phone date again. It would be really nice to talk together about this!

Praying you will get lots of rest and encouragement. :)

Nikki said...

Your "adventures" with diapers made me think of my husband's one day while I was at work. (I only work one weekend a month, but I'm glad I wasn't home.) Our daughter who was 2 1/2 took off her fully loaded diaper during nap time and smeared the contents all over the wall. Of course, it was all over her, the floor, the crib, everything. It was awful!

Thia said...

First...I can't vote in your new poll b/c my cycle hasn't returned. It is coming very soon though, based on prior experience.
Second...I think we must have been separated at birth or something. Weary is a word I've been thinking on a lot lately. You said there are some circumstance you will share will I. I need to get something posted, but just don't know what to say b/c ya'll don't need the drama. Thank you for the Scriptures, I needed them.
Hope you were able to find all the messes and nothing is hiding for you to find later.

The Three 22nds said...

what a terrible day! We have never had "poop drama" like that...I can not even imagine dealing with that! And I am an ICU nurse that cleans up poop for a living!

My kids are slightly older than yours at nearly 5, nearly 4 and 2. And even though they do exhaust me at is SO MUCH EASIER at this stage.

I was sitting on the floor the other day with Lincoln, tickling and playing and watching his funny just about 2 year old ways. And I thought to myself "I missed this with my other 2!" Sure I played with them, but when they were just 2 I was in "new baby fog" and don't really remember it.

That made me really sad.

Ther are so many pros and cons for kids close together or further apart...

But they did find a dead bunny in the yard yesterday and were handling it with great enthusiasm. Note to self: check garden before I let them loose.

Melanie said...

I read parts of this to David and said, "Honey, prepare yourself...this is life with kids!" It is refreshing to read your honest thoughts and frustrations and see you come to the conclusions that you fall on your knees before the Lord. I feel for you Lindsey!

By the way, David and I watched the "Dying is not Death" video the other night for our movie night and were so SO encouraged! Thank you for posting that. God bless you!

Randall and Rachel Beita said...

Thank you so much! This is just what I needed.

I too have been so weary and tired and feel like I just can´t go on.

My 11 month old has never been a good sleeper and sometimes I struggle with trying to get him to sleep for an hour before each nap time and before bed time. That is 3 hours a day and he may only nap maximun 2 hours. He won´t nurse to sleep and if I let him cry or walk, pat him to sleep it makes no diffrence. This past week I have been so tired and never can nap when is is asleep because it is the only time I have to do dinner and house stuff and if I do try to sleep he wakes up.

So this post was very encouraging.

I have been doing a bible study called The Power of Motherhood by Nancy Campbell. It is so precious. It has helped me to see my mothering and my little one as God wants me to. I hope to post soon on this on my blog but it may be a few weeks since we have been without a computer.

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