Monday, April 5, 2010

Not Me Monday!

Surely that's not me wearing a bandana around my nose everytime I have to change a poopy diaper!  My goodness.  I'm not that much of a wimp after 3 kids!  And I'm not such a helpless wife that I would make my husband change all the poopy diapers when he is home, even if that means 3 diarrhea blowouts in a 12 hour period.  How cruel can a person be?

And it isn't me who's been stopping off at the grocery store almost daily, buying things that are NOT on sale, even though the freezer is still half-stuffed from March's Cooking Daze.  I just couldn't be that wasteful and fickle.  I also haven't been throwing food out that has spoiled.  I would never waste food!  Especially my homemade yogurt and organic spinach!

And I would never eat out so many times in a month that I couldn't remember even an approximate number.  Nor would I blow my whole grocery budget on junk food and turn my nose up at my delicious, healthy freezer meals sitting in the freezer.  I would not visit Cholesterol Factory aka McDonald's a few times in the same week for fries and nuggets.  Ick!

I'm definitely not the kind of mom who allows high fructose corn syrup, red 40, and Ramen noodles in my home.  I would never serve my kiddoes Pop Tarts and Rice Krispies and call it supper!

And I could never pretend that I wasn't nauseous 24/7 around my friends to hide my condition.  What a hypocrite!  I definitely don't dry heave after every time I eat a meal with other people once I leave the room.  I'm definitely not such a good actress that my own mom didn't suspect anything until a day before I told her, and only then because I was very, very sick.

Bribing kids is just unethical.  I am certainly NOT the kind of mom who would bribe her kids with candy when they threatened to tell Grammy that Mommy is sick all the time.  And if my kid asks an honest question, "Why are you so sick?" I definitely don't dodge the issue and avoid answering the question until Easter.

I don't throw birthday desserts made especially for me away after one bite.  I'm just not that rude!  And I definitely have NOT filled up our refrigerator with a terribly strange assortment of foods like veggie hot dogs, cheesecake, pickles, cheese pizza, jalapeno poppers, Yoplait yogurts, and onion bagels.

And I have not been wearing lots of extra make-up and brighter colors to try to hide my tortured appearance.  I'm just trying to be seasonal.

I definitely don't resent all the gals around me who are expecting babies who say they've never felt better and are walking on the clouds.  I definitely don't want to scream "SALTINE CRACKERS DO NOT WORK FOR ME!" sometimes when people continually say that a few of these little "miracle squares" did the trick for them.

My kids definitely do NOT use their little toy cups as barf buckets for their stuffed animals.  They do not pretend their stuffed animals are throwing up all the time.  That would just be gross.  My one year old does not make gagging sounds and laugh to copy Mommy and my five year old has not trained herself to run and get the barf bucket as soon as Mommy has a certain look on her face.

I definitely serve my family foods other than pizza.  And I did not have pizza 5 days in a row recently, all of which was take-out, frozen, or from a restaurant.  Who could live off of such a monotonous diet?

And I'm totally the kind of mom who takes her prenatals!  I would never wash my hands of any and all vitamins, including Flintstones, Gummies, and Emergen-C packets just because every vitamin I've ever taken while pregnant has come back up. 

In spite of all of this, I'm really not in the depths of despair either.  I do not do google searches on, "Morning Sickness Hell" or "How to Leave the HG (hypermesis gravidarium) Club" or "Sick and tired of being sick and tired."  I have not begged my accountability partners to grab a gun and shoot me to put me out of my misery.  I have not become a Lost watcher for the first time in my life because I am so miserable most evenings and it's one of the only shows on Hulu that I can see all of the episodes of for free.  I do not mention a certain surgical procedure to my husband daily.  I do not feel like I'm at the end of my rope.

I am not a slave to a little pill called Unisom.  And if for some reason I forgot to take it one night I did not almost die the next day, languishing and waiting for the hours to fly by so I could take my next pill.

I also would never write an entire post for my blog revolving around throw-up and gagging. How unladylike and gross can a blogger be?

And I am most definitely not a tired pregnant lady!

For more Not Me Monday posts, go here.

*Not Me Monday is a blog carnival where moms "confess" their idiosyncrisies and screw-ups by denying the real events of their week.*


Thia said...

Again, Congratulations. This might be, I'm sorry to say, my favorite post of the week. I was wondering b/c you have not been writing as much lately, especially the food end of things...and of course, when I announced a few months ago, you swore off number 4 for a while...and swearing something off means it is sure to happen HUGS! Hope it does pass soon for you.

the momma said...

Well, then, I am certainly NOT going to congratulate you. :-)

seriously - try

these would be even better, but they are pricier

take them OFTEN

love, Dr Mom

Angela said...

Congratulations!!! I'm sorry, but this post totally cracks me up, having JUST lived through this myself, and I could have written almost this exact post a month or two ago. If you look through my blog for the past 3-4 months, every post (all 3 of them I could bring myself to write in a month's time) are very depressing. I just came out of "morning sickness hell" about 3 or 4 weeks ago. I also had all my friends telling me how great they felt when they were pregnant, and they had hardly ever seen anyone get as sick as me. I would avoid going anywhere at all costs, after a dry heaving episode in the middle of Wal-Mart, how embarrasing. I tried (and googled) eveything, too. The only thing that helped a little was sipping on ice cold water with lemon slices in it all day long. I tried the Unisom, but that didn't help at all, so I finally caved in and got some Zofran from my Dr. but only took it before Church or any other time I absolutely HAD to go somewhere, because I felt guilty about taking meds. Besides that only kept me from throwing up, it didn't take the awful feeling of nausea away. I REALLY hope this passes soon for you, at the time it feels like it's going to last forever, but it will get better! I will be praying for you! Take care.

The Three 22nds said...

Congratulations! Cute post!

4 just takes a little more managing, a little more organizing, and a little more willingness to let things go :)

Sorry you've been so sick! I can not even imagine how hard/terrible that must be...

LS said...

Thanks everyone!

I'm sure you got a laugh Thia after I said I wasn't ready for #4!

I will be running (okay, driving as fast as is legal) to the store for probiotics today Tracy! Thanks for the suggestion! Have never tried them, but I will try anything!

I'm so sorry Angela! Mega Congrats! I visited your blog and saw the posts you mentioned. It's nice to know others have gone through it or are going through it too. It's the worst. Hope you are feeling great now.

Thanks for the tips Julie! I love hearing about your adventures with 4!

Melissa said...

Congratulations! When are you due? (I am due in 2 weeks with baby #3)

Peachtree said...

Congratulations on #4, and my deepest condolences on the misery!

I'm one of those who basically doesn't get sick when pg. And I really do feel sorry for those of you who do!! (But I realize I'm clueless, and had better just keep quiet . . .)

Hope you get to feeling better soon!

The Oxford Family said...

Congrats to you! I am newly pregnant with number 3 and more miserable than ever before! I am only 6 or 7 weeks and part of the ready to die club :)

Hope you feel better soon!

Meredith said...

Congrats, L! Wonderful, unexpected news! I pray that your sickness passes soon, soon, SOON!

Kristen said...

Have you tried eating bananas for the nausia?

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