Friday, September 25, 2009

The Little Things

Our life is still in chaos but at least I've stopped crying and I feel God turning my mourning into dancing again. There are lots of options to consider: buying this house after the foundation work is done, moving into my parent's small guestroom for a month, renting elsewhere, temporary rental, asking the landlord to wait until Spring to do the foundation, buying a home, etc. We found a little home we like in our price range which we will be placing an offer on today. I don't want to get too excited as it may not go through but it's at least a possibility that gives me some measure of joy and relief. Maybe God knew we would never buy unless he literally gave us a shove towards it!

It's funny when your life is completely turned upside down how it's the little things that nearly kill you. On the day I was frantically packing after we had just got the news everything had to be out of the house Jer wet his pants and it pushed me over the edge. Later that day we found a bill we were sure we had paid, and had even double-checked on and thought we had paid, and it was 3 days late. I had to jump in my car with 3 little kids, drive 30 miles in a hurry to go pay it before they closed. That same day folks asked me for two favors and someone else called to tell me they wanted me to do nursery this Sunday (I'm the nursery coordinater at church). The next night I had set some casserole aside for my mom and she came by when I was gone to get it and accidentally took our supper with hers so I got home with cranky kids, thankful that for once supper was ready and waiting in the fridge only to find it gone. It's the little things that stack up on top of the big things to make you feel like you will surely lose it if you haven't already. I'd be lying if I said I didn't consider throwing the kids in the van and driving as far away from this situation as I could and not coming home until it was fixed!

It's also in the little things where you find comfort. The little notes of encouragement and offers of help. Being able to control the small stuff like making your bed neatly even if the whole rest of the house is in shambles and boxes. Taking a hot bath. Watching America's Funniest Home videos and laughing again. Someone bringing chocolate muffins by or friends sharing garden produce. The SEEDS Courage CD that keeps playing over and over in our car as we run a bazillion errands, looking at housing options, and keeps trumpeting the message that God is with us and not to fear and to take refuge in Him.

This week I have talked with or thought of women who have it much worse than I do. I am continually reminded that I have much to be thankful for, even in a difficult time. I think of Hannah (see link on sidebar) who is in prison for a crime she didn't commit and is away from her 5 precious children until she is acquitted. It's been 2-3 years so far. I think of Sharon, a gal in my Bible study group whose granddaughter whom she raised like a daughter embezzled $65,000 from her this week, totally betraying her trust and breaking their relationship and ruining her grandparent's business. Also, I think of Shiloh's cousin who lost her 2 year-old son in a bad car accident this week. I think of a gal at church who is dealing with a reactive attachment disorder child whom they adopted and has 5 other kids to care for as well. I think of friends who were sexually abused as children, some for years on end. I think of my friend whose child is constantly in the hospital with severe problems that are still undiagnosed and of the gal I spoke with at ballet class whose baby died at 37 weeks along in the pregnancy. One friend has an alcoholic husband. Life doesn't seem so hard anymore. Yes, there is a lot of work to be done, but God's peace is with us at this time.

1 comment:

Mrs. Taft said...

I'm sorry you're having a rough go of it at the moment! Your attitude is admirable, however. I will pray for you!

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