Wednesday, January 12, 2011


Things seem to happen in spurts for us.

All of our friends going to college with us.

All of our friends getting married too.

All of us having babies.

All of us having more babies.

And statistics say, that whether Christian or not, 50% of couples will divorce.

So, 7.5 years into marriage, when people supposedly get "itchy" we are beginning to see families crumble.  Three couples so far in the last year.  One close to us.

What do you say to a friend whose whole world has fallen apart?

I ponder these things as I go about my day, tormented.  Grasping to understand.  Feeling the pain of the little ones involved.  Trying to imagine the upheaval.  Praying that God would work.  Snapping at my kids only to realize it's my devastation seeking an outlet.  Wondering who I can talk to.  When a person's appropriate to share the news and offer comfort.  But it seems like gossip to share the news of the death of a marriage.

The death of a marriage.  I never thought it could happen to them.

My "Good King Jo" and I grieve together.  Talk things over for a long time, in shock.  Not usually a cuddler, I find myself inching closer to him in bed and grabbing his hand as I fall asleep.  Thinking about how I can show him how much he means to me tomorrow, this week, this year.....this lifetime.  He's a blessing I often take for granted, especially in these tough days of mothering little ones.  I need to know we're okay, even when the world around us isn't. 

I smile thinking about the goofy ways my other friends' husbands show they love their wives.  Facebook statuses about their wife's "hotness" or a birthday cake that took $30 of ingredients and several hours for him to make her.  Suddenly these little displays of love mean so much.

I pray.  I call.  I offer what little I can, the equivalent of a toy shovel in an avalanche.  She cries as she thanks me.  I cry too.

The road ahead is hard.

But, God is good, and He is at work.  I cling to the hope that just as He saved my parents' marriage, He can save theirs too.

*Out of respect for my friends in these difficult situations, I won't be disclosing personal information or names here so please don't ask.  This post is just an outlet for my grief.*


The Three 22nds said...

We have been married for 10 years now and I was thinking just in the last month or so how relatively untouched by divorce we have been. Grandparents, aunts, uncles are all still together.

Coworkers and older friends maybe have been divorced, but in the past, before I knew them.

But just recently we have been hit with the news that some casual friends marriage is over and I have spent time talking with coworkers who are fed up.

It is heartbreaking. And like you said, all you can really do is pray, offer what you can and work on your own marriage.

(I don't want to be an obnoxious advice giver in those kind of situations- but I do feel it is important enough to give books, suggest a counselor etc if they are receptive...)

Lea said...

We've been married 12 1/2 years now and my husband's sister got divorced 2 years ago after 7 years oa marriage. I just found out that my dearest friend is divorcing as well.

It breaks my heart. I don't know how to help and I certainly don't want to hurt.

I guess when things are mostly good, it's hard to understand how things can get so bad. We also went in to this with the idea that divorce is not an option (excecpt in cases of abuse). I think that helps too. The number of marriages performed at our church took a drastic drop when our pastors took a harder stance on marrying poeple who thing they can just divorce if things get rough.

I guess I'm just at a loss of what to do too. Keep praying and let Him work seems to be the right option!


Heather said...

I'm so sorry. I remember when a very close friend of mine got divorced shortly after Jacob and I got married, and boy did it shake me up. Thank you for the reminder to treasure what we have.

I'll be praying for the couple.

Rachel said...

Sorry to hear of this and praying for restoration for all involved.

Oddly enough my most recent blog post has to do with the effects of my divorce on my children 7.5 yrs. later. While I didn't want to get divorced, I'm now seeing the full circle of how hard it can be.

Laurel said...

Our neighbors are getting divorced after 24 years of marriage. It is incredibly difficult to witness, and I find myself never knowing what to say. I just listen, because sometimes all they need is to talk and get the thoughts out, without it being much of an actual conversation.

Lura said...

Have had 2 friend couples divorce in the past year. It is devastating. It changes the dynamics of everything. It really stinks. I cling to that fact that God can bring good out of any situation!

Mike said...

I agree, divorce is heartbreaking. It's more difficult when kids are involved. There will be possibilities of disagreement over money and division of properties, in such a way that couples may be seen and heard hurting each other because of the things I mentioned. That's why there's a need to Ottawa family lawyers. I'm talking about this because my sister just filed a divorce case against his idling and irresponsible husband. I can imagine the pressure and pain she is enduring because of that while she's with us here in Ottawa. Lawyers are her guide in facing the said legal battle against the man she once loved, the father of her kids. Indeed, it's heartbreaking.

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