Tuesday, December 7, 2010


Merriam-Webster.com gives these synonyms for the term "discombobulate."  They are: addle, baffle, bamboozle, beat, befog, befuddle, bemuse, bewilder, buffalo, confound, confuse, disorient, flummox, fox, fuddle, get, gravel, maze, muddle, muddy, mystify, perplex, pose, puzzle, vex.

I have never felt so discombobulated in my life.  Isn't that a cool word?  The word itself sounds cool, but being this word isn't so fun.

Yes, I've been tired before,
Yes I've worked this hard before,
No, I have never felt like my brain has taken a bigger vacation than now. 
If 3 kids kicked my butt, four kids has kicked my butt and stolen my brain!

Often I feel like I'm in a fog and should not be driving! As one friend with 4 kids described, "You feel like you are drowning all the time!"  At times my house is immaculate and I find myself doing oddly insignificant chores like hand-sewing an ornament gift, organizing a kitchen cabinet, or writing thank-you notes, but I always feel terribly behind and like there are a million and one more things for me to do in a day.  If my house is clean, there are 10 loads of laundry beckoning.  If the laundry is done, the kitchen is a disaster zone.  If we're doing school I cannot cook anything to save my life and if I'm cooking a meal it's because we skipped school and I let them watch two movies in a day.  I've never cared so little about what I throw in my grocery cart as I stumble down the aisles in a hazy fog, my coupons long forgotten at home.  On the one hand I miss my "girl time" and my friends terribly and am always trying to get together with them and on the other hand I feel like social engagements are just too much work and that with four kids I've succumbed myself to a life of hermitude.  Some days I've run about 7 errands around town with 4 kids without missing a beat, and some days I can barely get out of my pajamas the entire day and let the kids stay in theirs.  Some days I've hosted lunches or dinners for company and some days I've melted down, crying to my husband that I'm so overwhelmed and under-appreciated.  I managed to get all my Christmas cards and letters done and sent out and yet I've been putting off filling out some paperwork I've had for 4 months because it feels like too much work.  I've never lacked inspiration for blogging like I do now, and my lovelife is just a distant memory.  I used to thrive on listening to sermons, reading deep books, and doing craft projects in my free time once the kids were in bed.  Now, I can't even pay attention to the one sermon a week I hear in church, can't read very much without falling asleep, and prefer to watch TV on Hulu or a movie so I don't have to think in the evenings.  Katrielle isn't a horrible baby and isn't colicky but she is our neediest baby yet and likes to be Mama's arms 24/7 and doesn't like to sleep much.  Add to that the fact that it's the busiest time of the year, my husband has been gone a lot, our church has had some tough issues to work through that have taken thought and discussion, and certain people in my life continually ask me for "little favors" that I struggle with saying no to--this is a window into my world!

But...as wise older moms tell me.....this too shall pass!  I know this is a season and that babies grow up too fast.  I know that I will miss having a tiny one and I'd bettersavor her precious cuddles.  In the meantime, I'm saying "No" more often, especially to myself, and am reading the No-Cry Sleep Solution, which a lovely blogging friend and mama of 8 sent me.  I'm thanking the Lord for Veggie Tales, my frozen meals (they have been a lifesaver as usual and there are about 2 more left), chocolate (my energy source), and every little bit of sleep I can get to survive the next day! 

And if you think you've heard it all, just wait....my in-laws, all SEVEN of them are coming for Christmas.  Which means we will have company, and 6 kids age 5 and under, in our home for 4.5 days very soon.  So, please pray for me!


Thia said...

Oh my. I'm practically crying because you understand. You get it. You put into words how I've felt for four months now. I still need to pull myself together and make a grocery list for tomorrow. Not only what we need for the month, but what we need for the holiday. Not that I know what we're serving Christmas Eve yet.

Stacy E. said...

Amen, Amen and AMEN!!!

So, since I have six kids, I'm wondering - did I ever have a brain? Was I ever a part of "normal" society? Am I getting dementia early? If I didn't forget what I was in the middle of doing so often, would I get enough exercise? since this way I walk back & forth through the house trying to remember why I went where I did.

I think part of your time of life is just still adjusting to the new baby. That takes time. My life was in an upheaval every time I had a new baby. There wasn't any normal for several months. (not to encourage you too much, there!)

I will be praying for you through this. I can totally relate, as usual.

Randall and Rachel Beita said...

That is the way I feel and I have only 1 boy and am in my first trimester of my second. There seem to be days when I do good just to eat and feed my toddler and husband and then fall into bed with my little one at 9pm to tired to even read. I admire you! You will be in my prayers! May God bless you and give you peace!

Anonymous said...

You do need to give yourself a break! I only have 2 kids, and a once a week house cleaner, and I don't ever get to little things like hand sewing gifts!! You are doing GREAT, you still have a brand new baby and 3 other little ones, and you are definitely not getting over your post partum brain yet! (do we ever?) Hang in there

Heather said...

Thanks for being real with us & sharing your struggles. I'll be praying for you to get enough rest (God does miracles, ya know!) and be able to enjoy your family & extended family when they come for Christmas!

The Three 22nds said...

You've hit the nail on the head :) If you miss even one evening of "catch up" when you have 4 small children you are suddenly in over your head :) I myself have given up the expectation of having time to relax, read etc and just have tried to get used the fact that my evenings are now to be spent cleaning, preparing food, and folding laundry. Bonus night if it is a job I can do while watching tv. But once you adjust your expectations, things feel a lot better :) Hang in there!

Stefanie said...

So honest, and I feel all this with just one child, your amazing!

Marcy said...

The saying is true that this too shall pass but only if you help it to.If your expectations that life with 4 will be the same as 3.It won't be at least for a couple of years.You will make you and your family miserable if you don't realize this and make changes.God wants you to rest in him and care for those who are in put in your care.Family would rather have you happy and loving than productive and a "crabby" mom.Evaluate all that you do from sewing to reading to extracurricular events and but out as many as you can.Its okay to just sit in a chair and be still.Its okay to fall asleep if that is what your body needs.Give yourself a break and look with excitement of how this is the new "norm" and will be. Take this from someone who has been there and is now 8 weeks from number 5.Life may be a little boring right now for you, but through boredom comes less stress and more relaxing times.Your family will take the cue from you and everyone will find a new place of contentment during this exhausting time.I am praying for you!

Peachtree said...

I think my new user ID should be 'Discombobulated', it would be much more fitting!

My third is 14 months, and I feel like I'm finally starting to get on top, until we skip the daily round of clean-up times, and then I'm sunk again!!

Keep your chin up friend! We will survive!

Anonymous said...

Thanks Lindsey for being so open and honest. We can take such comfort in knowing that we all struggle with the same things and yet our children are loved, learning and growing...even on days when 'real homeschool' or 'real dinner' does not happen. You are doing such a great job! Keep your chin up. :D


Heather said...

Just wanted you to know I'm praying for you today. :)


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