Frailty

In my youthful zeal I said, "I will suffer for You Lord!"

Hearing stories of those who have suffered deeply

I long for the intimacy with the Lord that they have

Their perspective is set on the eternal.

I had pictured "big things" like giving up houses and lands to move to a mud hut

Or staring into a gun for my faith

Or being diagnosed with a terminal illness

But, in the smallest of daily sufferings in my fairly ordinary life

I have found myself woefully unable to suffer...

Apart from the grace of God and His Spirit's working in me.

For when the baby cries in the middle of the night and I just want to sleep,

Or my preschooler fights me all day long

Or my toddler messes in his pants

Or when a friend rejects me

I feel like it is too much to bear.

This is my prayer

I am so frail and weak O Lord. Strengthen me that I may be faithful when I am called to suffer. May I see every pain and longing, discomfort and hurt, small suffering or big suffering, as an opportunity to find my treasure in You, my God.