A Disposable Diaper Day

I love Justus' Scrunchy Face Look. He always makes this face when he's tired and ready for a nap.

To say this day has been rough would be an understatement.

It's a disposable diaper day today. Which means that life is so hard, I'm willing to spend 20 cents per diaper change just to make life slightly easier.

Ignorance is bliss unless it involves a toddler. Ignorance involving a toddler's mess is far worse than the initial mess itself. Remember our Christmas Day Experience involving ignorance? Today's lesson: Not knowing that your toddler pooped in the yard and got it on his hands means that when you smell something funny in the van, you suddenly have to sanitize the toddler, the bathtub, the sink, the toddler you are babysitting who played with your toddler, your van, your grass, your yard toys, the carseat, the van carpet, all the clothes and shoes your toddler was wearing, the toys in his hands, etc.

Not only did I deal with this mess today, but I also forgot my daughter at preschool for the second time this week! (She only goes twice a week, so these are some sad statistics.) I've been watching my friend's daughter while Ali is at school and apparently this week my brain has decided to think that Arianna is Ali and I don't have a daughter to pick up. Thankfully, it's not too big of a deal since Grammy is at school and Ali can just join Grammy's class for a little while until Mommy gets there, but it makes me wonder if I'm under a lot of stress. Oh, wait. I have 3 tiny kids! Every day involves plenty of stress.

Justus somehow managed to take his disposable diaper off at naptime. At first I felt enormous relief as his blanket didn't feel wet. Maybe I caught him in time! Then I lifted up the blanket and discovered his Pack n' Play crib was soaked. Another load of laundry and more bonding time with the hose as I spray things down and wash everything. The neighbors must be wondering why I'm spraying down everything in sight today. The hose has a lot of water pressure and jerked out of my hand to spray me with ice cold water. For the second time today.

This week has also been hard because every day Ali and I have a showdown when it comes to naptimes. For the last couple of years, Ali hasn't needed naps in the afternoon in the fall and winter. However, in the late spring and summer, she has napped well, even at age 3 and now, at age 4, she still needs one during this season. Yet she fights me on it until the last bit of strength is gone from her body and she finally succumbs to sleep. She's always been a sleep-fighter so I shouldn't be surprised, but I'd rather have her not nap at all and just play with activity boxes than scream and fuss day after day, lacking the self-control it takes to just lay down and go to sleep. After one hour-long power struggle yesterday I had just "had it." Justus had been screaming all afternoon, not feeling well with a cold, and my nerves were shot. I felt like a horrible failure as a mother for being so angry with her and felt so sick of dealing with her. I looked like I had been through a war when my husband got home. In a way, I really had been!

I've been extremely weary several days this month. I've been contemplating my weariness and trying to find out the source. A lot of people think that weariness is your own fault. And sometimes it is. Poor decisions, inability to say no, and jam-packed schedules can cause weariness. There are some circumstances that have contributed to my weariness which I'll share with you in a few days in a post I'm composing. But, my main source of weariness is my job. I often beg my husband to trade me jobs. My dad always jokes that my job is one he would never, ever, ever want. And yet, unless I give three little darlings up for adoption, I don't foresee an end to the relentless demands of my job any time soon. It's a job you just can't quit and there are few, if any, breaks from it. Most days I love it, but every day is busy and every day is hard. Day in and day out God uses my children to reveal my depravity, to chip away at my self-sufficiency, to bring me to my knees begging for grace and the strength to make it. Day after day, through the trials of being a Mom, I am forced to the foot of the cross.

Sometimes we have a mindset that "when this happens....life will be so good." Maybe it's when we graduate from school, when we get married, when we get pregnant, when we have the baby, when summer comes, when we have more money, or when the kids get older, etc. etc. Yet, we always come to find that life is just hard and even if our circumstances were relatively easy, we are still sinful, missing the mark of perfection, and dealing with the consequences of sin. We live in a fallen world where there is much sadness, hardship, sickness, and pain.

We need Jesus. We need Him so, so, so much. We need Him every day, every hour. We need to remember that He hasn't promised us an easy life but has instead said that in this world we will have trouble. "These things I have spoken to you, so that in Me you may have peace. In the world you have tribulation, but take courage; I have overcome the world." John 16:33

In the midst of our troubles, He has given us peace. He is with us! He has allowed various trials in our lives for His glory and our good and He will see us through.

"Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing." James 1:2-4

I linked to a woman named Rachel's testimony earlier today. In her talk, she mentioned how it can be so frustrating to be a mom and do the same chores over and over again. She said she was serving constantly, but her problem was that she wasn't serving WITH joy. Though my job often feels like more than I can handle, I know it is not. God does not give us more than we can handle with His help. I, too, like Rachel, need to ask the Lord to help me serve WITH joy, even when circumstances are difficult and trials come my way.

So, if you've ever gotten the impression from this blog that my life is perfect and easy and that I'm the best mom ever and the fun never ends, I apologize. I often highlight the fun and the blessings in our home and in our life, but that is not the whole picture. I'm continually being refined just like you.

Stay tuned for more on the subject of Hope for Weary Mamas.