Hope for Weary Mamas--Learning to Fight

I haven't finished When You Don't Desire God yet but it is wonderful and deeper than deep! One thing I mentioned in my last post on this subject is that we truly have to be proactive against weariness. The subtitle of the book is How to Fight for Joy. It is a fight, not a stroll through a park. I made a list of the things I can do to fight against weariness in my last post, and yet, there will still be days when I feel weary. There will be days when the kids do incredibly irritating things, times they won't stop fighting or continually make messes, days when I face physical pain, tragedy, sleeplessness, or illness. There will be days when I am so busy with unexpected events that I can't seem to get to the bathroom let alone take my vitamins or drink enough water. Because I am a human being, saved, but still wrestling against the flesh, I will fail, fall, doubt, and give in to discouragement instead of standing strong in the fight. So, as much as I want to avoid being weary in my important role as a mama, I know that there will be plenty of temptation and opportunity to give in to weariness no matter what steps I take to avoid them.




A couple of weeks ago, my pastor read this verse from the pulpit and it struck me that God was speaking directly to me (a feeling I often get in church.)


"Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest." Matthew 11:28.



I started this series with a message about drawing near to the Lord and talking to yourself instead of listening to yourself. I end with this verse. In our weariness as moms of young kids, may we run to the Savior who promises rest.

Hope for Weary Mamas--Little Things That Help

These brownies sure are a yummy treat for one of "those days"




A lavendar mineral bath is wonderfully soothing after chasing littles all day!

When we are weary, we have to stop and prayerfully consider how we might combat our weariness. It seems obvious that because of various factors I've mentioned (rigors of caring for small kids, pregnancy, illness, hormones, spiritual attack, mini-trials, big trials, responsibilities, etc.) most moms struggle with weariness at least some of the time, if not often. What are some simple and practical things we can do to find relief from mommy exhaustion? Here is my list of things I either CURRENTLY do or NEED to start doing. I hope you will share your list too in the comments section:

Spiritual Weariness

When I'm Feeling Deeply Discouraged

Pray and tell God I can't do it in my own strength

Talk to myself!!! (See last couple of posts in this series)

Listen to SEEDS CDs (Scripture set to upbeat music) or praise and worship music

Be thankful! Remind myself of all the blessings I have!

Read meaty books that spur me on to faith and good works

Listen to pastors/online programs that uplift, encourage, and exhort

Listen to my chapters for reading through the Bible in a year while I sweep or fold laundry

Ask a friend to pray for me

Speak out against the forces of evil and bind them in Jesus' name

Regular date nights whether at home or on the town

Physical Weariness

Take a hot bath

Get more rest if possible

PMS Prep

Take vitamins daily

Drink plenty of fluids

Drink Green Tea

Eat healthy foods instead of junk

Nap when I'm especially exhausted

Go to bed early

Ask hubby for a massage

Skip early rising for the day and go back to bed after Justus eats at 6:30 a.m.

Scale back my schedule and stay home more and make easy suppers from the freezer during times of sickness or PMS

Do neck and spinal exercises 1-3 times a day to maintain pain-free neck

Trials

Instead of crying, choose to laugh when thing after thing seems to hit all at once

Take things in stride and recognize that most of it doesn't matter in light of eternity

Watch America's Funniest Home Videos on Youtube for some comic relief at the end of a long day

Ask for help--Let my hubby know I need a hug, his prayers, and his help. I'm bad about asking sometimes and men don't usually know what we want

Faith in the Lord. God will meet our needs. He has proven Himself faithful in the past and He will care for this need, whether trivial or expensive, frightening or simply annoying.

Do what you can do and save the rest for tomorrow.

Keep in mind that the list above doesn't include tips for handling weariness caused by ME! One of the biggest ways we can become weary is by taking on too much, being poor stewards of our time or money or both, lack of planning, investing in too many people, not keeping our priorities straight, not being able to say no, not being disciplined, etc. I've addressed some of these issues in my book review post on the book "Shopping for Time."

Do you see how proactive one must be to overcome weariness as a mom? If I don't make a plan, don't take care of myself, and don't prioritize my life, I will likely end up overwhelmed every single day with all that needs to be done as a mom. Looking over my list I realized that I have to really be intentional every day to combat the weariness that so easily can come.

Hope for Weary Mamas--My Dream Job

Back when we were a new family of 3!

I found the results of my recent poll so interesting! Of the moms who took the poll, 24/25 are weary at least sometimes, with more than half of them saying they are weary from 3-7 days a week! This is a subject that truly hits home with mamas!!!



One of my friends recently shared with me on the phone that when she was feeling weary as a mom, her husband said, "But I thought this is what you wanted to do, more than anything else?" It made her stop and think and be thankful. She shared this with me to encourage me to remember those dreams and to recognize that I am fulfilling them. Really, there is nothing I want to do more! I've wanted to be a mom since I was 3 years old and spent countless years taking care of my dollies and babysitting little kids all through my teens. And while being a mom is much harder than I'd ever imagined some days, I wouldn't trade it for anything else! Oh, there are days when an outside job sounds so much easier than scrubbing up poop everywhere or listening to a screaming baby or a whiny toddler. There are days when the "grass looks greener" at someone else's house or in their situation. But if I stop to consider how I felt before I had children and how much I longed for them, and the joy I felt when I held each new one in my arms, it helps me to be thankful and find joy in the weariness.




I wrote a post a couple of days ago on Talking to yourself instead of listening to yourself. Reminding yourself that you are in your dream job and affirming the blessing and reward that children truly are is a form of talking to yourself. Recently I received by mail another letter from prison (photocopied by an aunt who sends them out to folks) from Hannah Overton. Her pic is on my sidebar. Whenever I think of her and write to her and pray for her I am reminded what a blessing and a priviledge it is to be with my children as she is forcibly separated from her 5 little ones and has been for the last two years, convicted of a crime she didn't commit. I've mentioned on my blog before that her story has often helped me to rejoice, even in hard times, because I know that what she is going through is infinitely harder. Her faith is incredible. I highly recommend you visit her site and read her letters and pray for her quick release.

Hope for Weary Mamas---Talking to Yourself

I've been touching on the subject of weariness as a mama recently and I'd like to share some thoughts from an excellent sermon. As a mom, there is the sheer physical weariness of endless chores. As a woman there can be the bodily weariness of PMS, illness, pregnancy, or lack of sleep. As a Christian in the fight against sin, there is the weariness that comes from our flesh, the enemy, or the hostile world we live in. Often, our physical weariness leads us into feeling spiritually or emotionally weary or our downcast spirit causes us to feel physically ill, intertwining the two.

I'm in the midst of reading the excellent book, "When I Don't Desire God---How to Fight for Joy" by John Piper. Though I've had it around for a while and had started it, I haven't really gotten well into it until now. And right now is the perfect time! Don't you love when God does that? At first I thought, "Well, I really do desire God and to be close to Him. My weariness seems physical because spiritually, I don't feel abandoned by God, angry with Him, or like my heart has grown cold." I felt like my weariness problem (which isn't there every day but is there at least monthly if not weekly) was mainly a physical one based on my tough job as a mom. But then I heard this sermon by Mahaney and I had to ask myself: When I'm tired and overworked, do I lean on the promises of God and cling to Him or do I joke about taking the kids to the orphanage and jumping on the next plane? Do I tell myself that God is with me and that He is my Helper in any and every circumstance or do I listen to myself say, "This is just too much! I hate my life!!!!"

All too often, I listen to myself instead of talking to myself.

Before you read the following, I have to say that something I get a kick out of is whenever a Christian blogger makes a list of something you should do he/she always starts with: Draw Near to God (or the equivalent of this.) Whether it's How to Make Your House Homey or How to Discipline Kids or How to Budget or How to Overcome Your Fear of Clowns or whatever. Now, I'm not knocking that very-important, top priority of God being first which God Himself commands and I admit that I have often put this at the top of my lists too for various How-To Posts also. It just makes me always think, "They had to write that. If they didn't write that how heathen would they sound? I mean, nasty anonymous commenters would be on them in a heartbeat saying, "How dare you organize your coupon folder or plant a garden or practice your labor-relaxation breathing tips without first drawing near and keeping God at the top of your priorities?"

So, in taking you on that rabbit trail, I will say that you had to have known that as I explore the concept of Weary Moms that my first post on how to deal with it involves drawing near to God and His Word.

_____________________

Josh Harris interviewed C.J. Mahaney on the subject of the fight for joy as a pastor:



Joshua Harris: I would love to just hear from you, C.J., about what the fight for joy each day looks like in the life of a pastor. What are some key moments for you when it comes to cultivating that kind of joy? How is it expressed?



C.J. Mahaney: Your reference to the fight for joy is right—it’s a fight each and every day. So this is not a natural disposition that one possesses. Each day sin will be opposing the experience and cultivation of joy in our lives. I am personally very familiar with weariness and discouragement and, therefore, what I read in Scripture about the priority of joy and the experience of joy is very applicable to my soul. And each day what I seek to do, from the outset of the day, is position myself as close to the gospel as possible so that I might experience the effects of the gospel. One pronounced effect of preaching the gospel to my soul is joy. I am the worst sinner I know. And given the countless sins I have been forgiven of, as I contemplate the Savior’s substitutionary sacrifice on the cross for my sins, the effect of that contemplation in my life is joy. So from the outset of each day I seek to “survey the wondrous cross on which the Prince of glory died.” I seek to study the doctrines of grace. I seek to prepare my heart to discern evidences of grace throughout the day. And as I devote myself to those practices at the outset of each day and throughout the day, the effect upon my soul is joy.

A question posed by Mahaney:
Have you realized that most of your unhappiness in life is due to the fact that you are listening to yourself instead of talking to yourself?

You can listen here: The Troubled Soul: God's Word and Our Feelings

Talk to Yourself instead of listening to yourself

Talk to God

Sing--Troubled souls become hopeful souls when we sing truth to our soul

Spurgeon on God's Promises:

“God’s promises were never meant to be thrown aside as waste paper. He intended that they
should be used. Nothing pleases our Lord better than to see His promises put in circulation.
He loves to see His children bring them up to Him, and say, ‘Lord, do as you promised.’ We
glorify God when we please His promises. Do you think that God will be any the poorer for
giving you the riches He has promised? Do you dream that He will be any less holy for
giving holiness to you? Do you imagine He will be any less pure for washing you from your
sins? He has said, ‘Come now, let us reason together,’ says the Lord. ‘Though your sins are
red as crimson they shall be like wool.’ Faith embraces the promise of pardon. It doesn’t
delay, saying, ‘This is a precious promise, I wonder if it is true?’ but goes straight to the
throne with it, and pleads, ‘Lord, here is the promise. Do as you promised.’ Our Lord replies,
‘Be it to you even as you will.’ When a Christian grasps a promise but doesn’t take it to God,
then God is dishonored; but when one hastens to the throne of grace, and cries, ‘Lord, I have
nothing to recommend me but this, You have said it;’ then the desire shall be granted. Our
heavenly banker delights to cash His own notes. Never let the promise rust. Draw the word of
promise out of its scabbard, and use it with holy violence. Don’t think that God will be
troubled by your importunately reminding Him of His promises. He loves to hear the loud
outcries of needy souls. It is His delight to give favors. He is more ready to hear than you are
to ask. It is God’s nature to keep His promises. Therefore, go at once to the throne with, ‘Do
as You promised..’”

Charles Spurgeon

*Italics in above quotes are mine*



So, in my weariness, I need to be treasuring God's promises and bringing them before Him. I need to be refreshing my mind with the Word and letting it talk to me instead of listening to my self, which is tainted by my own sinfulness. I need to be finding strength for my physical weariness in Him. As the Mahaneys often say, I need to be preaching the Gospel to myself on a daily basis.
For more on this interesting idea, read "How to Preach the Gospel to Yourself."

When I finish the Piper book I will do a review of it here with more thoughts on fighting for joy. More posts to come on Hope for Weary Moms.......

Hope for Weary Mamas--My Whys

Recently I shared about a very tiring day I had and apparently struck a note with many other moms out there. The truth is that almost every mom I know is weary at least some of the time. I'm not saying that we're always weary or that we don't love our roles but that the fact of life remains that being a mom is a lot of work and many days we find ourselves quite tired.





In coming days I'm going to be sharing more on the subject but I thought I would begin with sharing some of the whys of my own weariness. This post is not meant to cover every facet of the topic, but be just a glimpse into my own life; after all, a blog is a journal, right?





I mentioned in my last post on this subject that many times books will tell you that weariness is your own fault. It definitely can be! I wrote a post on it a while back. There have been many times in my life when I have taken on more than I should have or have gotten my priorities out of whack.

These four things combined to make things very tough for me a few weeks ago. I feel that these are the main causes of my recent bout of weariness:

*The enormous workload I face as a mama.

Someone said to me a couple of years ago, "Stay at home moms just cook all day. That's why they're all overweight." Rude and untrue, I know! This list is for folks who say things like that!

On an average day I:

Do 3 loads of laundry


Spend 1-2 hours doing dishes


Pray with the kids


Help the kids memorize Scripture


Change outfits on the boys 5 times


Change 7 diapers


Discipline kids with reprimands/consequences 30 times


Load kids in the van to go to one activity (whether park playdate or just running to the post office or bank) and unload them


Sweep the kitchen 3 times


Wipe the table down 3 times


Pick up toys all around the house twice and enforce clean-up


Scrub out the bathroom sink


Dump the potty-chair twice


Oversee boy going potty 6 times a day


Make lunch for my kids and hubby and I (whether re-warming leftovers or making a meal from scratch)


Make supper from scratch


Prepare 6 bottles of formula


Feed baby 5 bottles


Wash out bottles and nipples


Prepare snacks for the kids 4 times


Deal with pee-pee messes, whether from spraying or having an accident or a leaky diaper


Phone calls, mail sorting, bill paying, paper sorting


Fill 10 cups/sippy cups per day or more with drinks for the kids


Read to the kids


Play with the kids outside


Wipe poopy bottoms 4-8 times (what can I say...my kids are regular =)


Clean up 3 meals and 2-3 snack times


Attend a church meeting, watch a movie, go to Bible study, go grocery shopping, or for a family walk (one of these options per evening)


Read/listen to my Bible


Make homemade bread or a dessert


Do a project like raking the yard, cleaning a room, organizing something, etc.


Wash hands 8 times with a washrag



Play with Justus



Cuddle Jerby


Help my hubby get the 3 kids ready for bed



Have a showdown with Ali over nap


Give countless commands and directions to teach and enforce concepts and rules


Kiss 20 ouchies

This is just the stuff I can think of quickly. Life is full and busy! I didn't list the things I consider "fun" like time with hubby, internet time, reading, sewing, etc. Being a mom is a lot of work, and while I do cook a lot, I don't just cook and eat all day! Having an active/curious/strong-willed child is a full-time job. Having a two-year-old who tries to throw fits and makes messes everywhere and has recently been potty-trained is a full-time job! Having a baby who is getting active and social and eating lots is a full-time job! So, technically I juggle at least a couple of full-time jobs! Wow, no wonder I have weary days! And some moms out there are on their own or have double the amount of kids I have, or have to work full-time on top of being a mom and keeping the home as well. I could keep 2 employees busy if I had them at my disposal to work under me!





There are always little things we can adjust in our schedules if we're feeling too pressured but the majority of work and pressures I face are things I absolutely have to do like feed my kids and keep them clean and safe. So, the stuff that is the most relentless is the stuff I really can't give up! I do recognize this is a stage and that in the blink of an eye my kids will all be getting their own drinks and doing more chores, etc.

*Spiritual attack from the enemy.

Recently I shared with you that God brought about some healing/forgiveness in my heart in a difficult relationship. But immediately afterward I felt besieged by the enemy. I realize Christians tend to either think about the devil too much or too little and I'm not going to give my theology of the devil in this post or even describe how one can know he is at work. All I'm going to say is from my training in the Bible on this subject and experiences in the past, I can recognize that he is at work and know sometimes that I am under attack in a stronger-than-usual way. I felt him tempting me constantly to choose anger and bitterness again instead of forgiveness and love. He was bringing up past hurts and irritations at the person and was trying to make me think I was crazy for being so vulnerable. Not only did I feel attacked in this relationship but also in my role and job as a mom. It's interesting that we tend to think missionaries and pastors, teens, former addicts, victims, etc. get attacked more by spiritual forces of evil, but we tend to overlook the fact that moms are in a spiritual battle as well. Sometimes it seems that we think satan doesn't have much to do with us. But he does! He can plant doubts and negative feelings about your role as a mom and try to convince you that it's too hard. He can tempt you to envy others who have lives that look easier from the outside or magnify SELF and throw a pity-party. He can feed your mind/time with good things and distractions so that you neglect the best things. Standing strong in prayer is work and it can be tiring to fight the battle for our mind.

*Physical fatigue from sickness or premenstrual syndrome

Sometimes physical fatigue comes from staying up too late. I'm often guilty of this! Sometimes it comes just from the sheer physical effort it takes to lift and carry kids and chase them around, especially if you are sick or pregnant or dealing with a health issue. Sometimes we try to get sleep and our kids wake up; with 3 kids, if it's not one it's another waking up for various reasons at night! Sleep isn't something we can count on as a mom. I'm getting over a cold right now, which has caused me to be more tired and I've dealt with some horrific neck pain (that is thankfully gone thanks to a new pillow) that has caused me to feel overwhelmed recently. Constant physical pain is really hard for me to deal with. I can only take so much and then I snap. I can chug along for a week or two and then I just lose it and just wish I could die. I'm so thankful I was able to get my neck fixed at the chiro a couple of weeks ago and get a new pillow. (My usual exercises weren't helping since I had a bone that had slipped out of whack and twisted crazily...ick...I know). My experience with neck pain has caused me to have GREAT compassion for those who have physical pain and I feel called to encourage and help them.






Every month I get very, very tired as my hormones fluctuate. It doesn't matter how much I sleep, I have a day or two where I just feel like a zombie. And then a day or two where I feel really intensely irritable with my family. I've done a lot of research and heard someone describe the fluctuating levels of estrogen and progesterone as a war in your body chemically. Ahah! That explains a lot! I always feel overwhelmed by my endless responsibilities on the day when I feel most irritable during the month. I often have depressing thoughts and can cry or meltdown easily. I know this is a chemical thing in my body that makes me more easily prone to respond wrongfully and yet, I also think satan likes to capitalize on these physical patterns as well. Sometimes it's hard to know where one cause ends and another begins. It has been said that satan is attracted to depression like flies to garbage. So, whether it is physical or spiritual or both, PMS can cause weariness.


*And just to clarify, having physical trials like physical pain or PMS doesn't excuse sin. I'm still responsible for what I say and do even if my body chemistry makes me more prone to react.*

*Tough Circumstances

Endless paperwork with medical bills, the small things in life like a broken faucet, a car that won't start, an unexpected bill, etc. Sometimes we go for a good amount of time without having too many repairs or mini-trials and then somedays we will have 5 things hit us at once. We've had a lot of things like that in May. God allows these things in my life to draw me to Him, to remind me of what's important, to teach me to trust, to teach me patience and character, etc. However, it's never fun in the midst of the tough circumstance! Some of these little trials have come up this month demanding our time and money and resources and instead of saying, "Here is an opportunity to have faith and trust" I have allowed myself to grow weary from the load.

These are the whys behind my recent weariness. How about you? What are your buttons that when pushed cause you to be weary?

Coming Post: Hope for Weary Mamas--What Can I Do About It?

A Disposable Diaper Day

I love Justus' Scrunchy Face Look. He always makes this face when he's tired and ready for a nap.

To say this day has been rough would be an understatement.

It's a disposable diaper day today. Which means that life is so hard, I'm willing to spend 20 cents per diaper change just to make life slightly easier.

Ignorance is bliss unless it involves a toddler. Ignorance involving a toddler's mess is far worse than the initial mess itself. Remember our Christmas Day Experience involving ignorance? Today's lesson: Not knowing that your toddler pooped in the yard and got it on his hands means that when you smell something funny in the van, you suddenly have to sanitize the toddler, the bathtub, the sink, the toddler you are babysitting who played with your toddler, your van, your grass, your yard toys, the carseat, the van carpet, all the clothes and shoes your toddler was wearing, the toys in his hands, etc.

Not only did I deal with this mess today, but I also forgot my daughter at preschool for the second time this week! (She only goes twice a week, so these are some sad statistics.) I've been watching my friend's daughter while Ali is at school and apparently this week my brain has decided to think that Arianna is Ali and I don't have a daughter to pick up. Thankfully, it's not too big of a deal since Grammy is at school and Ali can just join Grammy's class for a little while until Mommy gets there, but it makes me wonder if I'm under a lot of stress. Oh, wait. I have 3 tiny kids! Every day involves plenty of stress.

Justus somehow managed to take his disposable diaper off at naptime. At first I felt enormous relief as his blanket didn't feel wet. Maybe I caught him in time! Then I lifted up the blanket and discovered his Pack n' Play crib was soaked. Another load of laundry and more bonding time with the hose as I spray things down and wash everything. The neighbors must be wondering why I'm spraying down everything in sight today. The hose has a lot of water pressure and jerked out of my hand to spray me with ice cold water. For the second time today.

This week has also been hard because every day Ali and I have a showdown when it comes to naptimes. For the last couple of years, Ali hasn't needed naps in the afternoon in the fall and winter. However, in the late spring and summer, she has napped well, even at age 3 and now, at age 4, she still needs one during this season. Yet she fights me on it until the last bit of strength is gone from her body and she finally succumbs to sleep. She's always been a sleep-fighter so I shouldn't be surprised, but I'd rather have her not nap at all and just play with activity boxes than scream and fuss day after day, lacking the self-control it takes to just lay down and go to sleep. After one hour-long power struggle yesterday I had just "had it." Justus had been screaming all afternoon, not feeling well with a cold, and my nerves were shot. I felt like a horrible failure as a mother for being so angry with her and felt so sick of dealing with her. I looked like I had been through a war when my husband got home. In a way, I really had been!

I've been extremely weary several days this month. I've been contemplating my weariness and trying to find out the source. A lot of people think that weariness is your own fault. And sometimes it is. Poor decisions, inability to say no, and jam-packed schedules can cause weariness. There are some circumstances that have contributed to my weariness which I'll share with you in a few days in a post I'm composing. But, my main source of weariness is my job. I often beg my husband to trade me jobs. My dad always jokes that my job is one he would never, ever, ever want. And yet, unless I give three little darlings up for adoption, I don't foresee an end to the relentless demands of my job any time soon. It's a job you just can't quit and there are few, if any, breaks from it. Most days I love it, but every day is busy and every day is hard. Day in and day out God uses my children to reveal my depravity, to chip away at my self-sufficiency, to bring me to my knees begging for grace and the strength to make it. Day after day, through the trials of being a Mom, I am forced to the foot of the cross.

Sometimes we have a mindset that "when this happens....life will be so good." Maybe it's when we graduate from school, when we get married, when we get pregnant, when we have the baby, when summer comes, when we have more money, or when the kids get older, etc. etc. Yet, we always come to find that life is just hard and even if our circumstances were relatively easy, we are still sinful, missing the mark of perfection, and dealing with the consequences of sin. We live in a fallen world where there is much sadness, hardship, sickness, and pain.

We need Jesus. We need Him so, so, so much. We need Him every day, every hour. We need to remember that He hasn't promised us an easy life but has instead said that in this world we will have trouble. "These things I have spoken to you, so that in Me you may have peace. In the world you have tribulation, but take courage; I have overcome the world." John 16:33

In the midst of our troubles, He has given us peace. He is with us! He has allowed various trials in our lives for His glory and our good and He will see us through.

"Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing." James 1:2-4

I linked to a woman named Rachel's testimony earlier today. In her talk, she mentioned how it can be so frustrating to be a mom and do the same chores over and over again. She said she was serving constantly, but her problem was that she wasn't serving WITH joy. Though my job often feels like more than I can handle, I know it is not. God does not give us more than we can handle with His help. I, too, like Rachel, need to ask the Lord to help me serve WITH joy, even when circumstances are difficult and trials come my way.

So, if you've ever gotten the impression from this blog that my life is perfect and easy and that I'm the best mom ever and the fun never ends, I apologize. I often highlight the fun and the blessings in our home and in our life, but that is not the whole picture. I'm continually being refined just like you.

Stay tuned for more on the subject of Hope for Weary Mamas.