Part of cultivating a restful place for our husbands to recharge and relax is to comfort them with friendship and affection also known as love. This can be difficult to remember if all day long there are little ones tugging at you and demanding help with everything. Remembering to treat your husband as you would like to be treated goes a long way. Here are some things that come to my mind that could show him you care. Some of this may fall under respect and some under love, but my husband wants both, and I'm sure yours does too!
*Happy countenance. Greet him with a smile and a warm welcome. Encourage the kids to get excited when Daddy comes home.
*Focus on him. Do your best to not be on the phone when your husband comes home or to not gab on the phone with friends all the time during the time he is home. Don't ignore him by being glued to the TV, the internet, your book (oops!), your cell phone, your Ipod, or even your kids.
*Peace and quiet. Give him a breather before you unload the frustrations of your day or mention weighty topics. Encourage the kids to be quiet and not tackle him unless that's waht he wants. Serious discussions are best done when the kids are in bed since they don't seem to handle being ignored very well!
*Touch. Give him hugs and kisses throughout the day to communicate your love for him.
Minister to him through massage. Especially for those of us whose husbands work their muscles unceasingly all day long, massage can be such a comfort and a help to them when they are weary and sore. We exchange at least 3 or 4 massages a week as I have a bad neck and he often has a sore back.
*Do things with him. Some guys love just being in the same room with their wives even if they are doing two separate things (like playing on the computer and reading). Some guys enjoy playing board games, watching a movie together, or reading books aloud together. Spend time together, even if it's just getting different projects accomplished while in the same area of the house.
*Sharing in his hobbies. Take an interest in what he likes. This is probably the hardest thing for me as my husband really likes listening to music and I would much rather listen to theological debates or sermons all day long. I enjoy music and we both listen to Christian music, but we don't share the same passion for it and I don't like most of the same bands he does. So, if I sat down with him and asked him to show me some audio clips of some new bands he likes, he'd be in "Hog Heaven" (whatever that means!) We do enjoy singing worship songs together as a family when he pulls out his guitar and plays. My sister-in-law is a good example of this principle in that she actually sits down and watches videos of how to put an engine together with her mechanic husband. Some women curl up on the couch with their hubbies for a football or basketball game.
*Words of affirmation. My husband really enjoys verbal expressions of love throughout the day. I can tend to forget this and be like those guys who say, "Why should I tell ya I luv ya? I told ya at the altar and nothing has changed!" I've made an effort to be more expressive in this area and tell him I love him several times a day.
*Gifts. If your husband really appreciates little gifts, leave little cards or surprises for him in his office, lunch box, or dresser drawers. Buy him little things, and, if you can swing it, a big thing now and then to show him how much you care and how much he was on your mind.
*Listen. This is HUGE! Listen, listen, listen!!! It's not always easy and sometimes our brains want to be thinking about other things instead of listening to our husbands talk in vivid detail about the inner workings of our vehicles or the big hunt they went on but it shows respect and love to him if we can give our husbands our full attention. We listen to our girlfriends and we want to be listened to so we should be listeners too.
*Kind words. Who wants to come home to a biting, sarcastic wife who puts her husband down or makes jokes at his expense? It's okay to laugh with him over stuff, but if you are nagging, nasty, crass, or rude, you aren't providing your husband with a retreat from the harsh world.
*Don't treat him like a servant. It's shocking how many wives do this. They forget that their God-given design was to be a helper and a completer to the man and instead enjoy being the boss. We don't nag our friends or expect them to cater to our every whim so we ought not to treat our husbands that way either. It's fine to ask for help but do so with a gentle attitude and not as a Drill Sergeant.
*Speak well of him. Praise him in front of others (without being sickeningly sweet and annoying) and spread good gossip about him whenever you have the chance. Refuse to fall into the peer pressure of dissing on your husband or all guys in general even if all of your girlfriends are doing so.
*Talk! Share your own heart with him and be vulnerable. When a couple isn't spending time talking, it can be easy to drift apart. While you may not ever again have 6-hour marathon chats like you did during the courting/engagement stages, it's still important to have time to talk without interruptions and share your concerns, your fears, your joys, your plans, etc. To have a successful and deep friendship you must be willing to give of yourself through honest communication.
Did I miss anything here? I'd love to hear your thoughts on this topic. I definitely don't claim to be an expert or be perfect in all of these things that I am highlighting in my En Gedi posts. I have studied a ton of books on biblical marriage and I do have an amazing marriage that is beyond what I could have ever dreamed possible. These tips in my "Being His En Gedi" posts are by no means exhaustive but I share them because they truly do aid in having a wonderful marriage. I welcome your input here too! Many of the ideas in this post were taken from "The 5 Love Languages" by Gary Chapman.
Check out the previous two posts on this series:
(Tomorrow's post will cover Being His En Gedi in Bed...)
I'm enjoying this series. There are a lot of great reminders and some new ideas too. Thanks!
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