The Best of COF--That's Funny Honey!

I asked our married readers to share stories anonymously of funny things their husbands have said or done.

My husband says funny things all the time to me, but he not only speaks with his mouth, he uses body language a lot. Here's one thing he likes to do: He puts one leg forward while extending one arm and pointing at me, while winking with his eye and clicking his tongue loudly, then proclaiming something like, "Why, hello!" in a lower than normal voice. In general, he likes doing things to get my reaction and make me smile. I love my husband! :) OH, one more funny thing he says a lot, is "Dear Abby, ....." and then continues with whatever is on his mind at the time.
Comedian Hubby in the Forest

For Christmas, my mother-in-law gave us a pack of onesies for our upcoming baby. However, on the package, they're called "body suits." My husband looked at that and commented: "I thought the baby's supposed to come out alive!" (Body suits...body bags...same thing, eh?!) Fortunately his mother was distracted elsewhere and didn't hear...she would have flipped!
Daddy-to-Be in the State With Zero Trees

My husband gazed at me with adoration and said, “Honey, you haven’t lost an ounce of beauty since we got married. In fact, I think you’ve gained ounces!”
Flattering (or not!) Hubby in the Desert

　
While I was out of town, he lovingly cleaned the house and had the brilliant idea to spray Odor Eater's foot spray on the pillows to "freshen them up". It left lovely yellow stains and not a lovely smell!
Housekeeping Hubby on the Coast

Back when my husband was still my fiancé he was going to compliment my smile. Just as he was going to say the words, he thought in his head, “Wouldn’t it be awful if I said yellow instead of white?” Sure enough, his mind scrambled his words and I heard, “You have such beautiful yellow teeth!” We were both quite shocked at his comment but laughed hysterically over it!
Tongue-Twisted Hubby in the Wild West

I was working on our wedding pictures the other day and showed my husband what I had accomplished and he said, “Man, we were skinny then." The other one that sticks out to me is him saying he was going to propose to me in a caveman outfit (which came about because I answered him a certain way when he asked a question, and he was like, "Caveman understand.")
Caveman Hubby in Tornado Country

One evening I was getting ready for bed and washing up in the bathroom while my husband was in the kitchen. As soon as I came out, I walked into the bedroom without turning on the light, and turned to the closet to throw some clothes in the laundry basket. There, standing in my closet looking out at me in the shadows, was a man! I screamed at the top of my lungs! My husband later told me that he felt bad that he scared me so much. He really had intended to just give me a little fright, not scare the wits out of me--but that's what happened!
Monster Hubby in the North

When my husband and I were just dating, I was raising money for a missions trip I was planning to go on. As a joke, he put a fake check made out for $10,000 in an envelope and hand-delivered it to me. I could see the numbers through the envelope and was so excited! He was from a wealthy family so I honestly thought it was for real. I don’t know if this counts as the meanest thing he’s ever done or the funniest!
Paying-for-it-Now in Big Sky Country