In the past couple of months 3 of my friends have experienced the loss of a baby. Two miscarried at around 12 weeks and one had her water rupture prematurely at 19 weeks and her little girl, born alive and breathing, didn't make it. It is so difficult to see my friends go through these losses and to know how to best help them. I haven't experienced miscarriage, stillbirth, or the death of a child and I hope I never have to. Because I have children, I can imagine the devastation these families must feel. I want to do everything possible to support them in these tough times.
If you have experienced the loss of a child, whether through miscarriage or other circumstances, please leave a comment letting me know how God carried you through it and how your friends encouraged you.
Say a prayer for my grieving friends and pray that God might bless them again in the near future with healthy children (as I know they all desire to have more.)
Lindsey,
ReplyDeleteWhile the loss of my daughter is still very new (she was stillborn 8weeks ago at 41 weeks gestation due to an undetected knot in her cord), I can share what has been helpful to me.
Listen to your friends, bring a meal (or better yet, organize a group of people to bring meals once or twice a week), offer to clean their house, say their child's name if they named their babies (I'm sure the gal who's premature baby died after birth named her baby), buy/make a gift with their child's name on it, don't expect them to "get over" the loss of their child EVER. Remember that they will be thinking of that baby on their due date, the date they lost their baby and all the days in between. Send cards or emails on those important dates to let them know you are thinking about them and their baby in heaven.
Encourage them to check out the blogs on babylossdirectory.blogspot.com and my blog as I'm chronicling my journey of missing my daughter, Felicity. Feel free to tell your friends that you don't know what to say except how sorry you are. That's so much better than saying something that may be taken the wrong way by someone who's grieving. Encourage your friends to blog or journal about their loss.
And best yet, PRAY! Pray for good sleep, peace during the days, another baby when they're ready, sustained faith, and hope for the future!
A friend of mine has lost her two babies (two separate pregancies). The best thing has been being available to listen and acknowledging that she's a mother, just parted from her babies. To not forget her children.
ReplyDeleteLend a listening ear, and a shoulder to cry on. We had a miscarriage about a month and a half before we got pregnant with Lainey. This was difficult as I was so excited for the baby! But, now we have our Lainey. My mom was the best, as well as my hubby, sister in law, and doctor. They assured me there is nothing I had done wrong, and God had different plans. My sister in law sent flowers. It wasn't as dramatic as having a still born, but still very hard. We praise God for our Lainey now!
ReplyDeleteI lost a niece at 8 months of age..she had a very rare disease. And had numerous struggles off and on after the 2nd month of her birth. I honestly don't think my brother and sister in law have completely accepted it, but more just moved on. I can't imagine the hurt they have felt. They are not followers, so please when you are saying your prayers, please lift them and their family as well. They did have one child after that, but due to numberous miscarriages, and a couple of tubal pregnanies they will not be able to have any more children.
Thank you all so much for sharing out of your grief and out of your wisdom! I will put your ideas into practice.
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