The Gentle Mother's Support Club

When I'm tempted to dwell on my many failures, I try to remember something my friend Erin shared with me.

Erin writes, “ I heard and interesting word of encouragement from a fellow mom speaking on the radio and I’d like to share it. It stuck in my head and has encouraged me ever since. She was saying how parenting can bring with it so many feelings of guilt and inadequacy, even day to day as we sinful moms and dads blow it with our kids, in little and big ways. She said that we tend to remember most those moments of failure as parents. But she said kids remember PATTERNS, not moments. Of course this doesn’t excuse the need to learn from and try not to repeat mistakes, but making love the focus can cover those “stupid” moments. I liked that!”

So, when I read stacks of parenting books that overwhelm me with what I'm not doing right or what I should be doing, when I vent on my blog or chronicle my many weeks in a row of having "rough weeks" with my challenging child, I am tempted to think I am just the worst parent on earth and that I've forever screwed up my kid and doomed her to future therapy.

But, today I was reminded of Erin's comment and realized that, by God's grace, we have many wonderful patterns in place in our family that I hope Ali will remember. Though it feels sometimes like all I do is scold or chide or instruct her day in and day out, I try to remember the wrestling, tickle wars, story times, and times of having morning devotions/Bible stories together. I try to remember that we have always prayed with her and over her and that we always greet her with a big hug in the mornings and smile at her bright and cheery face as she chatters non-stop while we are still bleary-eyed. I remember all the times we have had fun together at the park, enjoyed walks in the sunshine, and played in the local pool.

It's easy to get bogged down with the negative moments where I've lost my cool, have been harsh, or disciplined in anger. While I'm working to cease those negative patterns and am praying for God's help in my failings, it helps to remember that Ali is a happy girl, full of life and exuberance, and she has had a very happy childhood overall!

I hope these thoughts encourage the weary moms out there today!