We women can be so judgemental sometimes. The other day a gal I know expressed that her husband had asked her to do something, which would help him feel more respected and would overall be better for her. She said she wasn't going to do it. It was too much of a sacrifice of her own priorities. I thought, Goodness, it's not like he asked you to something that hard. Why wouldn't you want to do something for him that would improve your marriage overall? I sided with the husband mentally. I'm sure I was a little prideful as I thought that surely I would submit, unlike her, in such a circumstance.
Boy, was I about to get hit between the eyes! That evening I went home and just out of the blue my hubby decided to let me know that he would feel more loved and respected if I would make an effort to do something for him. I was immediately defensive and resistant. What!!! How dare he?????? I was angry at such a request. Most women would say, "No problem" or say that it was something they always did for their husband anyway but for me it would mean sacrificing my personal time and my habits and re-arranging my schedule.
Suddenly it hit me hard that it is easy to pass judgement on other women whose hubbies have different requests of them that seem so do-able to us, but it is so difficult to listen to the advice or rebuke of our own husbands because often what our spouse asks of us reveals our selfishness and requires a personal sacrifice! I was faced with the reality that I'm no better than that other gal because my response was exactly like hers, selfish and unsubmissive, even if the scenarios were different.
Ultimately my spouse wants the best for me and isn't trying to ruin my life. He is trying to be a godly leader and do what's best for me and for our marriage and merely expressed how I could bless him more as a wife. I see how the area he mentioned could benefit our marriage and my health and attitude and I admit that I am going to work on it and really pray about it.
As for judging other women; don't do it! Pride goes before a fall!
Ah, yes, the difficulty of submission!!! I struggle with this daily, trying to respond differently than I was raised, trying to think of the long term benefits, and trying to hold my tongue! Thanks for being willing to address this difficult dilemma we face!
ReplyDeleteIsn't it amazing how God brings forth such topics when we think we have enough to deal with? He always seems to put us in our place in such creative ways.
ReplyDeleteOf course you are right, we all need to submit better. And we all struggle with it consistently.
I am reminded of Ephesians 4:26 "'In your anger do not sin' Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry" Jonathan did a word study recently on this verse. Apparently in the greek, these two words translated as anger/angry are the same root word. However, the 1st statement is passive and the 2nd statement is active in a provoking way. Saying do not sin when you are provoked and saying do not provoke others to sin.
I find it interesting and a healthy reminder. I must strive to obey God and not cause more struggle. (Even when I really want something completely different.) :)
Wow. What are the chances all these men that women are suppose to submit to are all on the up and up? What are the chances they know exactly what is right for them and their family? What are the chances they not selfish themselves?
ReplyDeleteWhat a good deal for the men.
Well, anonymous, that's the difference between the Christian life & the non-Christian. It's not always easy or pleasant, but it IS trusting God and maybe even suffering a little bit just like our saviour, Jesus, did. Of course, I don't believe that He wants us to submit to something that goes against God's Word, but if we are completely honest, how many times in our own marriage is it just a battle of the wills? I have to make the choice: am I going to put my husband first when I just 'want' to do something else or is he truly asking me to do something that is wrong?
ReplyDeleteHave I personally attained a level of perfection in this area? Not even close!! I'm always struggling and asking for wisdom to know the difference, but I continue to try to do my best for my Lord's sake, because He sure didn't hold anything back for me!
By the way, I know there are many men out there (our own husbands, ladies?!!!) who could say the same thing, since submission is a two-way street.
ha! i hear ya lindsey!
ReplyDeletesooo good to see pictures of the kids, i wish i made it back to lander to actually get to see them in PERSON!
you look like you're doing great!
I hear you on this one! My husband asked something similar of me recently and it was a real struggle to smile and follow through! But your point, ultimately, is not to judge others through a prideful lens, and I very much agree. I wish it were easier than it is!
ReplyDeleteDear Anonymous,
ReplyDeleteOur husbands aren't perfect and yet God has called Christian women to submit to the authority of the husband because he is the leader in the home. See Ephesians 5. He is to be a servant, he is to love his wife as Christ loved the Church (no easy task at all!) and he is to lay down his life for his family, as well as provide for them and take care of them. If you aren't a Christian, of course submission sounds totally freaky and weird and un-equal. Everything that is being spouted on TV today and in our secular colleges and in our culture in general is that women have the smarts and the power and men are just stupid and only good for making fun of. Men today are trained as boys to try to be more like women and women are trained to be aggressive and take-charge and to submit to no one. Women are told that they can be all and do it all, having a career and a great family life and everything else.
However if you've ever lived the reality of doing things apart from God's design you know from experience it doesn't work. God designed us with differing roles for a reason. It's not that women are un-equal or inferior in any way. We just have a different role. As a helper/completer to our husband we are to let him lead. Two people trying to lead just doesn't work! Even if we think we know better or we aren't sure of their decision, God calls us to submit respectfully and He will bless us for doing so even if our husband's motives weren't right or his ideas flopped. The wife is responsible to her husband and the husband is responsible before God.
In the scenarios I mentioned, it's not like our husbands were asking us to do something horrible or unfair. They were merely pointing out a simple way that each of us could make our marriage better and possibly lower our own stress levels too. They weren't fiercely demanding that we bow down to them and obey their every command. Think of it as your best girl friend or your mom pointing out something in your life that they noticed you should work on. It was done in gentleness and love, and yet because they are the head of the home, we can't just brush it off and ignore it, or that would be sin. We need to consider it carefully, discuss it with them, and ultimately try to follow their lead even if doesn't sound fun or easy.
I hope I was able to clarify this for you. Of course if one's husband ever asked them to do something that disobeyed God's law or was illegal it would be wrong to submit to that. There are men out there who try to abuse the "submission" issue but my hubby isn't one of them!
Well, it's good that your husband isn't one of them, but there are plenty who abuse their power. I have seen it first hand, I lived the lifestyle you are living. It is a world-wide religious "problem" in my opinion. When women don't have power (not OVER men, but for themselves), then abuses happen. It happens with muslim women, christian women, all religions. Women are paying the price for men's abuses all the time. Covering their entire body/faces, circumcisions that injure psychologically and physically. Mercy killings, etc. Yes, you are lucky that the man you married is fair and just, but to think your world and community is transferable to all is just wrong. I'm glad it works for you, but don't make judgements about others who choose not to "submit" and have a wonderful relationship with their spouses just the same.
ReplyDeleteBlessings,