Does no one teach proper etiquette anymore? I used to find it amusing to read through my mom's old ettiquette books when I was little. I'm so glad she took the time to teach me social graces; if you are a parent and are reading this: invest in teaching your kids these things and it will serve them for a lifetime!
While etiquette seems to have died in many areas, including table manners, letting the man be a gentleman, and respect for our soldiers and President, the main area I will address today is sympathy etiquette. I recently lost my Grandpa and while he was very old and in a bad condition, it was a very real loss of a great man nevertheless. In the week since this occurred, I have been surprised by the lack of manners displayed by some folks I consider friends regarding my loss. When told about his death, two friends merely said, "Oh" and moved right on to the next topic without so much as an "I'm sorry." Others that do know of the death haven't mentioned it at all.
My friends here in my hometown have been WONDERFUL about it and I applaud each of them for having great tact and willingness to do what they can to help in the situation, as well as one of my dear e-mail buddies and my Grandma (on the other side of the family). Folks I hardly even know who read of it in the paper have been heartfelt in expressing sympathy to me when I run into them around town. I'm not looking for cards and casseroles and bouquets. But a heartfelt "I'm sorry for your loss" is appropriate.
There is no excuse for friends to not express their heartfelt sorrow for someone elses loss. I am sorry that your grandfather passed away. I have lost three of my grandparents, and no matter what the situation that I lost them it was hard to deal with the passing. I think that talking or writing about such things makes us feel vulnerable and just plain sad. And who wants to talk about those things!?! (This is by no means an excuse for friends not show compassion). I hope that you don't give up on your friends, and I pray that you can find some good friends to confide in. Your brother in Christ. Nate
ReplyDeleteNate, that was sweet and I appreciate your understanding having lost so many grandparents of your own. You are absolutely right that the subject is probably just uncomfortable for some people. Hence, the reason for teaching ettiquette as a guide for people who aren't sure how to deal with social situations!
ReplyDeleteI wasn't referring at all to friends who don't know about the death, just to clarify for anyone reading this post who may think I'm fishing for sympathy. My post was a vent about very CLOSE friends who DO know and still choose to say "oh" or say nothing at all. I won't give up on the friends who lack ettiquette. Thank you to the friends who have been kind!